Frustrations, Depression and Stress
Ok, so, I weighed today and the result was not good. No loss. I mean, really? I have cut out ALL that I can, really I have. I use the minimum of things w/high fat and calories. I am on week 3 of my sweet tea fast and I've not had my FAVORITE creamer in 2 weeks. I saw a great loss then NOTHING. Can you sense my frustration? I am holding back the sobs because I try so hard to do it right and see no results. I guess I was hoping and praying for just some kind of loss (or miracle). I feel as though I've been studying for a test for 2 weeks and I've failed the test. I am crying now, full blown. I'm depressed and stressed!
When I get this way, I just want to say SCREW IT and drink my sweet tea. I'm pissed off at my body. I'm mad at the world really. I'm mad at myself, for letting it get to this point. I work out to the point of exhaustion. I cut back on the foods I enjoy and nothing happens.
My mother would probably tell me that I shouldn't be baring my soul out to the world but I need to let others know (the ones going thru this same battle) that they are not alone. I NEED to know that I'm not alone. I need to hear from someone that they have the same problems.
When I opened my blog to write, I saw my subtitle "How God is blessing me through weight loss". I had to really face that today because honestly, I felt no blessings up until right now. I realize now that what God is teaching me today is perserverance and patience. I think He wants me to turn my anger into a drive to do better tomorrow and the next day and the next. To work harder, to see the outcome rather than the race. He wants me to see that even though the race is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, He will be with me through it, even if I don't know He's there. And today, on that demon scale, I didn't feel Him. I should have stopped myself and turned to God in that moment. Every fiber in my body wants to listen to the devil shouting at me "Give up! You can't do it! You will just fail in the end!" It's so much easier to eat what you want, when you want, however much you want. It's so much easier to not work out, to sit on your butt and do nothing. I feel bruised today but I will not give in. I will keep fighting b/c I will not let the devil snare me anymore.
"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us."
Hebrews 12:1
