RANDOM THOUGHTS

This week started BAD. Monday I weighed and the result was one pound gained from the previous week. WHAT?! How in the world? I was SOOOO depressed and in a funk all day. Do you know how frustrating it is to think you are doing it all right and never see a result from hard work? Oh, and it didn't help that my grandfather saw me over the weekend and said "Looks like you're gaining weight again." Yeah...that helps my self-confidence. Thanks Pop.

So, Monday wasn't the greatest day. I did my quiet time that morning and prayed, A LOT that day. I tried to see myself as God sees me, but honestly, it didn't work. All I could see and feel was FAILURE. Thankfully, we were invited to eat dinner with Chad and Joanna that Monday night. After revealing my depressed feelings to Joanna, she lifted me up. She made me think that, yeah, I've gained weight, but I'm still doing things right. Plus, I might be adding a lot of sodium to my diet as well as the heat of summer could help with retaining water weight. Lord knows I swell in the summer! After we left their house, I felt more at peace that I was alright.

I worked out Tuesday (45 min), Wednesday (1 hr., 45 min), and Friday (1 hr. 50 min). Thursday, I was so busy with stuff that I don't think I sat down to breathe for more than 30 min. In addition to exercising, I'm really paying attention to my sodium intake and WOW...a lot of "low fat or fat free" foods are FULL of sodium. Plus, bread is too. Man, a girl cannot get a break!!!

Today is Saturday and as I look back to my depressing start this week, I am in a much better place. I can honestly say that I've done good this week. I've eaten right and exercised. I've also had a quiet time everyday which helps me see the enemy better. Last time my Pop said something degrading to me, it made me stop my efforts and I gained more weight. This time, it made me more determined to get it off. Now I am looking at this gain and re-evaluating some food choices that I had been thinking were "good" for me.

The Bible study I'm doing is so good and there are so many nuggets in there that ring true to me. However, reading it and DOING it are two different matters. I know that if I wasn't ready to really surrender this to God and depend on Him in this, then I wouldn't be ready to lose the weight for good. I know that if I wasn't ready to look at food and exercise differently, then I wouldn't be ready to lose this weight for good. I had to arrive at those 2 places before I could start changing my perspective. If you are not there yet, then you are not ready to change. It takes a hit at your pride to realize that you can not do this on your own. You need God first, then friends who are honest with you and encourage you, and lastly, you have to be committed to this. I am so committed to this journey that when I gain weight, it's like I've betrayed myself but this week I realized that I am more determined than ever to lose it too. I believe that I'm not losing it fast because God is trying to teach my stubborn self that He is the only nutrition I need.

I think this post was kind of all over the place but it was my random thoughts that I needed to get down. Here's another random thought: When I was on the elliptical machine at my gym, I watched Regis and Kelly (BTW...Kelly has NO boobs. She looks like a fit teenage boy in a skin tight tank top). They had on a male fitness trainer. He said that a diet should be ABS - no Alcohol, no Bread and no Sugar. Yeah...this sounds like a good plan but it is not for WOMAN! Alcohol can be cut out completely (for most women), but I am convinced that we women are not made to cut bread and sugar out completely. Yes, we can cut it down to the bare minimum but I think we are just made differently than men in this way. John can cut out sugar and bread and he feels nothing for it. I, however, crave it even more! Maybe it's how the devil gets to us women. Anyway...that's my last random thought...for now.