MORE CONFESSIONS...

I feel like this blog entry should come with the sound bite of someone slapping me in the face. That's the way I feel currently about the state of affairs in my weight loss effort. I went to the doctor today and I had deliberately NOT weighed for about 3 weeks to give myself some time to lose ANYTHING. Why did that even matter when the scale at the office said NOTHING GOOD?! And it was a gain! NOOOOO! I was screaming inside. I wanted to shout to the nurse, "no...you don't understand. I eat pretty good and I exercise. It really should be a lower number! Please don't judge me! Why can't there be scales in the rooms so we can weigh naked? I mean, I was wearing jeans and heavy flip flops and I just drank about 1/2 gallon of water...it's not accurate! Don't judge me!" I am thinking this in the 2 seconds it takes for her to walk me to the room to meet the doc. I am so frustrated but really, honestly, I am not that surprised.

I haven't been writing anything down and I know I've been eating too many carbs lately. I've been exercising like normal BUT not eating as good as I could. There's been too many "I'll just have a little" there and "a handful of m-n-ms won't hurt" there. UGH. Really...it's all my fault. I also have not been doing a good quiet time and I haven't been surrendering this battle daily to God, so I have only myself to blame. The devil knows where I am weakest and he's been hitting me hard.

Carbs, for me, are the DEVIL. The devil knows this is my weakest link and for whatever reason, if I eat too many, my body says "hey look, there's a fat cell we have to multiply!" I won't lie...carbs are my happy place. Sugary carbs in particular. I would love to sit and eat pie after pie, or donut after donut, or bread after bread. I know I can't but I want it like a meth addict wants a hit. I am addicted like that! Now, I know it's not as extreme as a meth addict, but my addiction will kill me over time if not kept in check.

Truthfully, I have been avoiding writing in my blog. I knew I needed to get here and write it out. I knew I needed to start AGAIN. Luckily, it's not a horrible gain. Thankfully it's not more than 5 lbs, but for me, that's a lot. Anyways, I knew that I needed to tell whoever reads this that I am going to start over. New beginning...new goals.

After talking with my doctor (whom admitted that she struggles w/carbs as well), she and I both decided that the 1st 2 weeks of any kind of eating change is the worst. It's withdrawal. She said that if I could keep up what I was doing past 2 weeks, then it would get better. So here goes people...I am going to give up some carbs.

Now...I can't go cold turkey...no way...BUT I am going to try my hardest to keep away from them. I'm going to the library and get some low or no carb cook books. TRY to stay away from them during snack times. TRY to eat dinner and lunch w/almost no carbs. Oh man...I'm scared.

Please pray for me...I am facing a new challenge and new discipline. I've defeated so much on this journey but I still have a long way to go.