I have really not wanted to blog this week. I don't know why, other than I've been lazy. I've felt that way about working out as well. My heart has not been in it either. I suppose we all have those kind of weeks. I'm praying God will give me a passion for weight loss and exercising. I think going to the gym by myself is weighing on me. I wish I had someone else to go with, but I know that I have to do this myself!!!

So, in an effort to REMIND myself WHY I am doing this, I'm going to write down some of the things I hate about being overweight.

1. I have the fat swing on my arms. UGH. This is awful, especially when I'm waving to someone or giving directions. No wonder my body age is 40.
2. I can't cross my legs for any length of time.
3. I can't stretch like I used to. There is too much fat that prevents me from being as flexible as I used to.
4. I hate almost everything I wear. I know you shouldn't look at the number in your jeans, but how can I not?! I do dress for fit and not size (per Stacy and Clinton from WNTW), but it is still frustrating to be exercising and cutting stuff out of your diet and still have to wear the same size clothes.
5. I get out of breath easily.
6. My double chin.
7. The idea (when strangers see me) that my being overweight is somehow b/c I'm lazy and eat fast food all the time. Both of which I don't do.
8. I don't wear shorts b/c they ride up when I walk. I'm a bermuda short or capri girl.
9. The battle to get to where I need to be seems to be a momentus task. I feel as though I'm standing below a mountain looking up and wondering just how I will get over it.
10. I feel thinner than I look and I'm reminded of this everytime I pass a mirror.

I know God can make me conquer that mountain. I know HE can move the mountain. I just have to convince my heart to believe it as well. God has been so faithful to me this week. I have stopped and asked Him for another option when I'm craving bad food. Almost everytime He has either taken it away or showed me something else to eat. I did have a backsliding day. I made chocolate chip cookies for John, so I licked the bowl AND had 2 cookies right out of the oven. I knew it was bad for me but who can resist warm cookies?! I haven't had a cookie since. They are sitting on my counter in a container but God has given me the strength to resist.

I saw this show on WE. It was called "I want to save your life". It's about a guy who helps people get the motivation and assistance in tackling weight loss and diet. One thing he said has stuck with me. He said that you need a picture of what you want when you have lost weight. It needs to be a picture you see everyday. He said the reason most people don't lose weight or stick to a diet/exercise plan is because they don't have a picture of the end result. That frustrates them and makes it impossible to acheive this goal. And I thought, what do I want? Yeah, I want to lose weight, but what does this look like? I haven't been successful in this in so long, I don't even know what I would look like anymore. And it seems so far away that I feel defeated already. I want to lose my fat, yes, but I want to be toned too. I want to lose the jiggles! I want John to see me and think, Wow...I have a hot wife. I want God to be glorified through all this and I want to proclaim it when I tell others how I lost the weight. That's what I want. Now I have to find a picture to portray that!

Sorry for the long post today. I guess I had a lot to say!