My year in review and some other rantings...

I guess I'll be doing what everyone will be doing-looking back at my year and assessing where I am for the new year. So here goes:

• I'm 10, almost 15 lbs lighter than I was a year ago today. Thanks to God's hand and LOTS of discipline. My resolution is to add one more day at the gym if possible.
• John and I are still hanging in there financially. We have almost no debt, except for the house and we have been able to pay our bills and feed our children on what he makes as a teacher. Again, God has provided where we thought there'd be no way. Thanks to our family and friends who've helped too. Our resolution this year is to SAVE more, if possible.
• I enjoy staying home more than I did this time last year. It has been a hard road for me but God has shown me what my priorities are and should be. The hard part in the future will be finding a job that will cater to my needs for the kids. God will provide, I know He will. I don't think I will ever be the kind of mom that loves to stay home and I hope none of you that do love it will get offended at that. It's just that I love what I do (landscape architecture) and I miss that part of my life.

I don't really believe in making resolutions. I believe in setting goals and achieving them. So here a few goals for myself for 2010:

• Save money for a possible 10th anniversary trip on a cruise in 2011 w/hubby.
• Lose more weight by eating healthy and exercise.
• Start training for Cooper River Bridge Run/walk 10k in April.
• Purge junk from the house.
• Get outside more and work in the yard.
• Plant a garden this summer.

Here's my other rantings:

Another resolution I have for myself is to be more upfront on my life w/Jesus. After spending so many years on the fence, I know now that living for Christ everyday is where I need to be. I'm not perfect and I slip up, but I can no longer live on the fence. And if you are reading this and your behind hurts b/c you've been on the fence for so long, then you NEED TO PICK A SIDE AND STAY THERE. You CANNOT go to church on Sunday and live in sin the rest of the week. Sorry people, this is not acceptable. Jesus hates this more than a sinner just living a sinner's lifestyle. If you are living in situations that you know are wrong and yet you do not change once Christ touches your life, then how far has He touched it? I denied this for so long b/c I thought I could live for Christ AND live a life that basically acted like I didn't know Him. Now I know that Jesus has gotten hold of me so much that I can no longer live like I did. This has meant that I've had to let go of friendships I held dear and let go of lifestyle choices I once made. It is VERY hard to be a follower of Jesus today. You have to take a stand. You have to tell close friends and family that will not be doing certain things anymore. You have to start pulling yourself away from people and things that continue to bring you down and away from Christ.

So my urging for you is to CHOOSE A SIDE. STOP riding the fence. If you stay you believe in Christ, then choose a side that honors Him and all He does.

Ok..done w/my rantings.

What I ate yesterday:

B-fast-2 pieces whole wheat toast w/peanut butter and honey, fried egg, coffee w/very little sugar and sugar free creamer

Lunch: veggie wrap w/ranch and some chips, decaf coffee w/very little sugar and cream, 1 mexican cookie (very small)

snack: smartpop kettle corn

Dinner: 2 veggie dogs on whole wheat w/lowfat mayo, mustard, ketchup, relish. handful of chips and a small glass of sweet tea

What I've eaten this week:

Nothing out of the norm. I've switched to lower calorie wheat bread in the morning. I've been cutting WAY back on sweets. How have I done this? Basically, I've not bought anything that appeals to me. I have my one GLORIOUS glass of sweet tea a day (sigh) and drink water the rest of the day. I have been doing my cinnamon toast when I feel the need for something sweet, but that's about it. Oh, and kettle corn popcorn. Ok, that really is it. Ha...I promise :)

Suppers have consisted of one night being sirloin steak, mashed potatoes, green beans. Tonight's supper was pork chop, corn, brussel sprouts (sauteed-YUM), and carrots. I think I'm gonna sit down and have some 1% milk before I go to bed.

Overall, I've done fairly well in the eating department since my last post. I've exercised when I can and hopefully will get in my 3x a week.

Adios!

What I've eaten today (so far):

Well, breakfast is pretty much the same everyday. 2 pieces wheat bread and a fried egg. Well, today I put ricotta on my bread instead of peanut butter. I think that brought my calorie count down. I put some jam on top of that. I have no idea calorie-wise how much all that is. Maybe a total of 300? I have no idea.

For lunch I had 2 small pieces of cheese pizza w/salad and ranch dressing (about 2 tbs). It was so yummy b/c I was STARVING. I had a busy morning running here and there and everywhere. I worked out at the gym. I did about 25 min of weights and ab work then did 20 min on elliptical, 15 min on treadmill.

I am now enjoying my 1 glass of sweet tea a day. I've already drunk a lot of water.

Tonight I plan to make sirloin steak w/mashed potatoes and green beans. Man...I love food!

I don't know how to start this so here it goes. I would like to share something that I've needed to say for awhile. It's my journey w/Christ to this point. I know that some of you out there are not the believer that I am, but I hope that in reading this, it will open your eyes to some truth in your life.

I have always been in church. My parents brought me and I always did the things kids do in church: choir, VBS, Sunday School. When I was 8, I prayed to receive Christ as my savior. I look back now and I understood that Christ died on the cross for me. I also understood that if I didn't have Jesus in my heart then I would go to hell. After professing my faith to those around me I was baptised.

I continued to believe in Christ. I continued to be in church. As I got older, however, I stopped having a relationship with God. I think this was shortly after moving to GA at 13. I was so mad at my parents and God for taking me away from all my friends in FL and forcing me to live in a new place. I don't think I meant for my relationship to stop with God but it did. Of course, I played the part of "Christian". I went to church and all, but it never got deeper than that. Then as I was in high school, I would see kids at school that went to my church, yet they were the party crowd. They talked about drinking, drugs and sex then went to church on Sunday and acted "Christian". It was confusing for me. I had no idea what it meant to be living for Christ. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. No one reached out to me, but then again, I don't know if my heart was reaching out to them.

I was lost. I could still feel God in my life but I didn't know that I could turn to Him. I didn't know that He wanted me to turn to Him. I made a lot of bad decisions, that led me down roads that I didn't want to go. Oh, but I still went to church. I was still a "Christian". I know now that I was a hypocrite. I was a liar. I led people down wrong paths. I caused them to turn from Christ by my actions. I am so sorry for this.

Then, by God's awesome hand, I started seeing the light. God put some people in my path to steer me in the right direction. I started getting invited to church get-togethers w/people my own age (college). I started reading the Bible more. I started listening to these Godly people talk about their lives and their brokenness and how God had pulled them from the pit. I realized that I could continue down this path of loneliness and emptiness or I could follow a path that had meaning and truth. It broke me. I mean, I was on my bed and suddenly I was on the floor in tears. God showed me that to live for Him meant I had to DIE to myself. I had to give up ALL control of my life to Him. That's a hard pill to swallow. Giving up control of your life to someone else is NOT easy. It's still something I struggle with everyday.

Of course my walk w/Christ was not done. I was on an emotional "high" for awhile. Then, as it happens in life, I got comfortable. I thought I had this Christ thing down. I got married and I thought I didn't have to work so hard at it. Then the devil started chipping at my self-confidence in my marriage. I was lost and thinking things I shouldn't have. I know now that I once again caused a lot of people to stumble. I thought that I could live a life in the world and live a life in Christ. I did this for awhile, even after my daughter was born. It has only been in the last 2 years that Christ has transformed me. And I mean transformed me. I can no longer live in 2 worlds.

So here is what I want to say now. I know I have been the worst example of Christian in the past. I am so sorry for those of you out there that have seen me stumble and do things that do not show Christ's love. I want you to know that I no longer live in the world. My life is for Christ now. I wake up every morning and walk for Him. I want to be a Jesus Freak. I want to live, breath, love the Bible. I want YOU to see Him in me. And if you are lost, I want you to find me and talk to me about it. Being a Christian is hard work. It's not easy. But the reward is not on earth. It's something much bigger than that.

Let me ask ya one question: If you died today, do you know where you would be?

My last big stumbling block: sweet tea.

Yesterday I drank more water than tea. I had one small glass during lunch but that was it all day. When I went to my job, I drank more water. I kept a 32 oz. water bottle next to my computer and drank that all day long. Then as a reward to myself, I drank one glass of tea at night. Now that I'm home, it's a lot harder to drink water all day. But after someone (thx Amanda) told me how many calories are in an 8 oz. glass (300!), now I am determined to give it up.

According to the gym treadmill's calorie counter, I burned almost 300 calories running/walking. That was a hard! Then I was coming home and drinking that same amount! No more! If sweet tea is what has kept me from losing weight, then I'm kicking that habit. I'm taking baby steps though. If I cut it off cold turkey, then I will crave it more. So I'm gonna drink water all day and have one glass at night.

The Bible is so awesome. This morning I read Galatians 4. Paul is writing to the Galatians about how they seemed to have fallen from their belief in Christ and turned back to their ways when they were slaves to false beliefs and false gods. First of all, as humans it is so much easier to believe in ourselves, other people or things (such as food, alcohol, etc). They give us temporary happiness that seems to make all our problems disappear. We have to keep coming back to that though, to get that "happiness". This is what Paul is telling them. In Galatians 4:8-9 he say, "Formerly, when you did not know God, you were slaves to those who by nature are not gods. But now that you KNOW God-or rather are KNOWN by God-how is that you are turning back to those weak and miserable principles? Do you wish to be enslaved by them all over again?" Can we all say WOW?! This really spoke to be this morning. God KNOWS me, more than my mother knows me, more than my husband knows me. He knows my heart and He wants to be a permenent resident. Isn't that awesome? God, who created everything we are and everything we see, wants me to KNOW Him! He wants us to throw off those weak and miserable principles for His strong and peaceful principles. WOW!

18 min people! 18 min on the treadmill, running my booty off! Well, that's the point anyways. I hope to bump up my workouts to ONE more day, if I can. I feel like I need to be working out 4 days/week instead of 3. I think if I shoot for 4 and actually make it 3 then I feel like I'm doing good. Last week it was supposed to be 3 but ended up being 2. I have to work out more than that!

I tried, I really tried to use Truvia in my tea today (that's a non-sugar sweetener that's supposed to be natural). Then I was getting this horrendous headache and wasn't sure if it was the Truvia or not. Do you get headaches when you cut sugar out of your diet? Who knows...well, I went back to the sugar in the tea. Honestly people, can't I have my sweet tea? I'm not eating much else w/sugar in it. Do vidalia onions count? Ha. Ok, I WILL drink more water, starting tomorrow (as Scarlet would say)!

I did make a burger today but it was on a whole wheat bun w/minimal amounts of mayo and one slice of cheese. I had some baked cheetos too. They are NOT as good as the real stuff but better for you, I guess. Dinner was chicken casserole, broccoli and mac-n-cheese (from a box, made w/Lite marg and fat free milk).

I'm still searching for that picture of someone that I'd like to look like when all this weight loss happens. I see people at the gym and think, I'd LOVE to look like that. The truth is I have NO idea what I would look like b/c I haven't been a size 10 in about 10 years. I'm so used to this weight on me that I'm afraid I won't see it when losing the weight finally happens. It's depressing. It's also depressing to know that I will never be able to eat what I want, when I want. I will always be monitoring it. I will always have to exercise. Of course, there are a lot of "skinny" people out there that drop dead from heart attacks and other ailments so at least I KNOW I'm getting healthier.

God is so good. I know He's on my side w/this. I will prevail. I will succeed. I've lost 5 lbs and hopefully more by now. It's working, slow and steady.

It's monday and I'm tired. I could only do 9 min. on the treadmill. I was hoping to make it to 17 min.! I just felt sluggish today. I don't know why. Oh well, in total I did about 40 min. of cardio (15 min on treadmill and 25 min. on elliptical). I was sweating buckets by the end! I had already done about 35 min. of weight work before that so today was a long workout!

I need to get rid of the homemade cinnamon rolls I made! I've eaten 2 today already and need to ban them! They are so good and so bad for you. I wish it were true that they were good for you :) Ok, so NO MORE!

LOOOONG summer days...sorry no post in 2 months.

Ok...so the great news is 5 lbs lost! Woo hoo...FINALLY some results. My doctor told me that's normal for 2 months of working out and eating better. She said if I were to lose it super fast then the likelihood of it coming back is 90%. And I do not want it to come back.

This journey is a true change is my thinking and eating habits w/food. I try to enjoy food now, instead of cramming it in my mouth as fast as I can. I'm trying to slow down when I eat. I need to taste the flavors and savor them. This is what God wants us to do. I think He requires discipline in all areas of our lives and food is a major problem for me, so I have to be even more disciplined than others. My prayer every morning is "God, help me make the right choices. Help me to see healthier choices of the things that aren't good for me. Help me to exercise." God is so good. He is there for me all day, every day. It's MY job to listen and obey Him. The days where I am "bad" are the days I didn't stop to pray about things! The devil finds his way into my days and whispers, "it's only 3 MnM's...it's only 1 piece of cake...it won't hurt you" but it IS and DOES hurt me! I get that momentary happiness of eating that stuff and then poof...it goes away. It does not last.

These 5 lbs lost, however...that happiness is lasting. It's like I'm climbing the mountain and I look down and see that I'm FINALLY getting somewhere. My feet are no longer on the ground.

YAY!

A long post but hang in there w/me :)

Besides getting together and eating burgers last Saturday night, I've eaten pretty well the last few days. I did have some cake called "Orange Creamsicle" and my...it was too yummy. The cook told me she actually made it pretty healthy by substituting apple sauce for oil and egg substitutes. It didn't taste healthy...ha. It was so yummy. Probably tasted so good b/c I've banned a lot of those kinds of sugary sweetness from my diet.

One thing that has surprised me in my diet is my egg in the morning. It has really sustained me through my workouts. The protein is long lasting enough to keep my sugar intact until I can eat my protein bar after I work out. I eat 2 pieces of bread along w/that but the carbs in the whole wheat bread don't typically last that long.

I've been eating leftover hamburgers for lunch with chips. For dinner I've been bad for 2 nights. John and Amelia are gone to VBS at night so I've been making an egg and cinnamon toast (gasp!). The cinnamon toast is on whole wheat bread w/light margarine so it's not horrible but it's not filling. I know it's wrong but I just don't like a big heavy dinner at night.

I've gotten up to running for 13 min. on the treadmill at the gym. I walk fast for about 12 min then run for 13 then walk fast for 12. I'm adding a minute each week to running. I feel like I'm losing more inches w/running then w/the elliptical.

My bible study has been awesome! The chapter I'm reading right now is about believing God will do what He says He will do. Mainly...do you believe that God can do miracles? Do you believe God can change your situation for the better? Do you believe God can heal the sick? What do YOU believe God can do? A lot of people (myself included) believe that miracles are when a person who has cancer suddenly doesn't have it. And that is a miracle and Praise the Lord when that happens. But a lot of people believe that miracles are only those big things like that. Beth Moore says miracles happen all the time but we as Christians are so jaded by life that we fail to see the miracles God does for us everyday.

I've had a personal journey for the past year. In less than a month, I will celebrate my one year anniversary of unemployment. That sounds so funny when I say it. Anyways, God has really shown me the miracle of losing my job. Now that really sounds funny, but that's what it is. I've been so messed up spiritually for a long time. I feel like I would get highs and lows but no constant walk w/Jesus. After I lost my job, I was angry at God for awhile. I was like a fish out of water, literally. I was now a stay at home mom, but not by choice. My choice had been a career that I loved and here I was, thrust into life staying home all day, everyday. This can't be what God wanted for me. I just didn't understand it at all. I would go on play dates and pretend to be happy to be at home but inside I was miserable. I asked advice. I needed to know that I wasn't the only one that felt that way.

Then one day God showed me something. He showed me the positives, whereas I had only wanted to see negatives. He showed me that this is the BEST time to be home. Would I want to be unemployed if the girls were teenagers? No...this is the right time for me to be home b/c they are so little. Is it just a coincidence that the economy is horrible? No...again, this is the best time for me to be home. I foresee (with God by my side) that in about 5 years when Rebekah is going to school, that the economy will hopefully be in an upswing and jobs will be available. I guess now I have clarity that I had to be forced to see. God has also shown me that my fellow playgroup moms feel the same frustrations as I do.

I am content now. I search God's voice more and more. God is my light and I will follow it always. I believe He will do what He says He will do. Do you?

What I ate yesterday

Breakfast: 2 pieces wheat bread w/light margerine and peach jelly, fried egg; coffee w/sweetner and sugar free creamer

Lunch: 1/2 cheese sandwich w/mayo and provolone/sharp chedder cheese. about 5 tortilla chips, some broccoli and carrots and dip, a small cup of kool-aid

Later that afternoon I had a fudge bar (fat free kind)

Dinner: chicken breast w/small amount of ranch, brown rice, sweet corn and brussell sprouts. sweet tea to drink

At the end of the day I realized that I had had NO sweety sweet of any kind, except for the fudge bar. I avoided brownies at lunch and cookies at dinner. I only had 2 glasses of sweet tea all day. Yesterday was a good day food wise.

For playgroup we went to the pool and I swam some in the pool. Not a panting kind of work out but at least I was moving :) Today is gym day and then when I get home I have to clean the house. God is so good to me :)

Weight has not changed!!!! ARGH...why?!?

This is when I get most frustrated. I am doing all I can to lose this weight and NOTHING HAPPENS. I am avoiding fast food, white bread (and white pastas), fried foods and sugary sweets. My muscles hurt from working out. What else can I do?

All I can say is that I'm glad that I read my "Believing God" before I stepped on the scale. I have hope b/c I am believing God will deliver me from all this. Ok, so no weight has come off but I'm still doing things right. I'm exercising and cutting stuff out of my diet. This morning (before I weighed) I prayed and laid it all in God's lap. I guess I've not done that yet. I am putting on the shield of faith that He will hold me through this.

Having said all that, I'm still depressed. I can't help it, I'm human. It's like I'm climbing a mountain. I've got all my heavy gear on my back and I've got all the right stuff on for a successful climb. So I start climbing...I'm sweating and sweating, moving up and over, finding the right holes to advance upward. Then I look down and my feet are still on the ground. All that hard work, was it for NOTHING? So you see, I have 2 sides to myself. The ever believing side and the ever doubtful. It is truly God vs Satan inside of me.

So my weight (according to my home scale) is 225 still. UGH.

I have to weigh today. UGH. I cringe just thinking of that. I know I've not lost any weight. My clothes are not fitting better and that is the first indication that of weight loss. Well, here it goes. Stay tuned for an update later.

What I'm eating:

For breakfasts I usually eat an whole wheat English muffin w/a fried egg. I usually have a Kashi bar between b-fast and lunch. For lunch I eat a couple of things. I will either eat a bean quesadilla w/baked chips or I will eat 2 of my veggie hot dogs. Both of which are fairly low in fat and high in protein and fiber. For dinner I've had spaghetti made w/99% fat free ground turkey and whole wheat noodles. I had salad w/ranch and a Parmesan roll. For dessert I've been having either a fudge Popsicle (fat free) or strawberries over angel food cake w/Lite whipped cream.

Today I had a small slice of ice cream cake at a friend's house and man....it was gooood. That's a treat for me.

I've been working out this week. I ran for 10 min. on the treadmill and sped-walked the other 30 min. on the treadmill. I did 20 min. on the elliptical yesterday and did a ton of other weight work. I've noticed my arms are a tiny bit smaller but not much. My tummy is the SAME!! ARGH! This is the part of my body that I want to get rid of the most! I never had the upper flab much before kids. Now that's where I gain all the weight. Weird stuff happens to you body when you have kids.

I will defeat this! God will help me be victorious!

Long time, no blog..again

Sorry for not blogging in awhile. I kind of went into a slump of sorts and just didn't feel like it, but I need to get back in the swing of things. I went to my mom's all last week and boy...did I eat good. They had ice cream, donuts, etc. All kind of things I NEVER buy for myself. Plus, mom fixed dinner for us almost every night and boy, that was NICE. I think I gained whatever weight I had lost :(. Oh well, back on the wagon again.

Ode to my body
I'm trying to love my body NOW, as it is and with all it's flaws. My body is great. My body has carried 2 precious girls for 9 months. My body has run in marathons, jumped ropes, swam in the ocean and rode horses. My body walked down the aisle to marry a wonderful Christian man. My body is getting stronger, even if there is a ton of blubber over it (ha ha). I have 2 arms, 2 legs, 2 feet, 2 hands, healthy lungs and a healthy heart (as far as I know). I have 2 eyes and ears that work well and hair that is pretty darn thick. My body has chased a couple of little girls around the house. My body has climbed mountains and walked on sea shores. I think all this is pretty darned good!

Then why do I obsess about my appearance? Why do I look at myself and feel grossed out by my own image? Why do I forget that the real reason I'm put on this earth is to glorify God? It's complicated. I think I obsess about appearance b/c I compare myself to other women. I know, I know...I shouldn't do that but I would be lying if I said I didn't do that. I think...why does she have the "thin" gene and not me? It's frustrating but part of life. I'm trying to see myself as God sees me. That should be my focus, but oh...how often I forget that. God is working on me...inside and out.

I'm reading "Believing God" by Beth Moore. A friend at church recommended it to me b/c I really needed something to blow me away. Well, I just read the first chapter and OM Gosh...did it blow me away. The concept is do you really BELIEVE GOD or do you just believe IN God? God says I will have victory. God says I will slay my demons. God says I will be blessed. I have to BELIEVE HIM that all will happen. Man, do I struggle with that. I think it's b/c I've failed at weight loss for so long that I don't believe God that I will win. That thought stops today. I will not fail at this. I will not. Beth Moore said this in her book, "NO VICTORY IS WORTH WINNING IF YOU DON'T FIGHT TO WIN IT." Well, I'm fighting now.

There's a strong, toned, thinner me inside my body that WILL GLORIFY GOD ALMIGHTY when I get to where HE wants me to be.

I have really not wanted to blog this week. I don't know why, other than I've been lazy. I've felt that way about working out as well. My heart has not been in it either. I suppose we all have those kind of weeks. I'm praying God will give me a passion for weight loss and exercising. I think going to the gym by myself is weighing on me. I wish I had someone else to go with, but I know that I have to do this myself!!!

So, in an effort to REMIND myself WHY I am doing this, I'm going to write down some of the things I hate about being overweight.

1. I have the fat swing on my arms. UGH. This is awful, especially when I'm waving to someone or giving directions. No wonder my body age is 40.
2. I can't cross my legs for any length of time.
3. I can't stretch like I used to. There is too much fat that prevents me from being as flexible as I used to.
4. I hate almost everything I wear. I know you shouldn't look at the number in your jeans, but how can I not?! I do dress for fit and not size (per Stacy and Clinton from WNTW), but it is still frustrating to be exercising and cutting stuff out of your diet and still have to wear the same size clothes.
5. I get out of breath easily.
6. My double chin.
7. The idea (when strangers see me) that my being overweight is somehow b/c I'm lazy and eat fast food all the time. Both of which I don't do.
8. I don't wear shorts b/c they ride up when I walk. I'm a bermuda short or capri girl.
9. The battle to get to where I need to be seems to be a momentus task. I feel as though I'm standing below a mountain looking up and wondering just how I will get over it.
10. I feel thinner than I look and I'm reminded of this everytime I pass a mirror.

I know God can make me conquer that mountain. I know HE can move the mountain. I just have to convince my heart to believe it as well. God has been so faithful to me this week. I have stopped and asked Him for another option when I'm craving bad food. Almost everytime He has either taken it away or showed me something else to eat. I did have a backsliding day. I made chocolate chip cookies for John, so I licked the bowl AND had 2 cookies right out of the oven. I knew it was bad for me but who can resist warm cookies?! I haven't had a cookie since. They are sitting on my counter in a container but God has given me the strength to resist.

I saw this show on WE. It was called "I want to save your life". It's about a guy who helps people get the motivation and assistance in tackling weight loss and diet. One thing he said has stuck with me. He said that you need a picture of what you want when you have lost weight. It needs to be a picture you see everyday. He said the reason most people don't lose weight or stick to a diet/exercise plan is because they don't have a picture of the end result. That frustrates them and makes it impossible to acheive this goal. And I thought, what do I want? Yeah, I want to lose weight, but what does this look like? I haven't been successful in this in so long, I don't even know what I would look like anymore. And it seems so far away that I feel defeated already. I want to lose my fat, yes, but I want to be toned too. I want to lose the jiggles! I want John to see me and think, Wow...I have a hot wife. I want God to be glorified through all this and I want to proclaim it when I tell others how I lost the weight. That's what I want. Now I have to find a picture to portray that!

Sorry for the long post today. I guess I had a lot to say!

Mother's Day weekend

I should start on Thursday night. I went out w/my Sunday School girlfriends to celebrate the birth of baby Sydney to Suzanne. It was so nice. I ate a turkey burger but then caved in and ate sweet potato fries, which were super yummy, but full of fat (fried). I realized later that I should have shared the fries w/someone else!

On Friday, I had to drag myself (and I mean drag myself) to the gym. I did a half hour of weights before subjecting myself to a kickboxing class. Everytime I kicked or punched, I pictured those sweet potato fries! The class was during lunchtime so I didn't eat lunch until about 2:30. I was starving.

Saturday was pretty normal. My mom and sister came into town and we went to Chili's for lunch. I ate 2 chicken tacos, which didn't have a lot of "bad" stuff on them. Mom and Jess got the chicken fingers there, but after being in Weight Watchers I learned that those things are BIG TIME NO NO's. I had one of Mom's (after peeling off the fried stuff) and they weren't really all that good. My chicken taco was yummy.

We had lasagna that night (homemade w/lean ground beef and whole wheat noodles). I had one serving of it and a lot of salad. I think I had only one piece of bread. I had my homemade whole wheat banana bread for dessert :)

On sunday, we went to John's mom. We had chicken rice cassarole and various side items. I had one small serving of everything and almost no dessert. I did have 2 servings of strawberry salad but I think that was fairly low in fat. I went to see Star Trek on my own and had root beer and popcorn. I RARELY do this but it was Mother's Day. I drank all the root beer and I ate about 2 cups of popcorn (barely 1/2 of what I bought). That night I had a bowl of broccoli salad and another serving of strawberry salad.

Now I must get ready for the gym!

What a crazy day I had yesterday. I worked out at the gym, then took the girls to the doctor, then came home. Later on the animal control man killed a copperhead on my front porch! AAAAAAA...Oh My Gosh! Then we went to church, then home, then bedtime. Just one thing after another yesterday. I ate usual food and I missed lunch due to taking the girls to the doctor, so I didn't eat until 3:30 pm. I was starving by then but I managed to eat ok and didn't have a dessert, which was really GOOD for me. I had my veggie dog meal last night and again, didn't have a dessert. My gym time was spent doing back and chest, some glute work and abs, which I'm feeling today!

God was truly w/me yesterday. I felt His presence in guiding my choices and attitudes. We went to McDonalds before the doctor, but I didn't get a thing. God has turned me off of fast food and while I love certain things at every place, I don't feel this urgency to get anything. Thank God!

What I'm eating:

B-fast is the usual. I had no snacks but should have before we went to playgroup. For lunch I had a pnut butter and banana sandwich w/some chips and salsa. I had lemonade to drink.

For dinner, I had mexican. Enough said! I wasn't stuffed to the gills, just pleasantly full. I'm trying to concentrate on eating slower and recognizing my bodies signals of getting full.

I had a girl's night out last night at my friend Kelly's aunt's house. She has set up an outdoor theater of sorts and we watched Don Juan DeMarco, which was good. It was so nice to get away and have adult conversation and not have to devour my food fast. It was very relaxing.

What I ate yesterday:

B-fast-fried egg w/2 pieces whole wheat bread w/jelly, my usual coffee

snack: 1/2 protein meal bar, popcorn

lunch: baked chips w/taco meat, onions and some cheese, lf sour cream, sweet tea

I was craving something sweet and had almost given up when I remember I had vanilla ice cream and caramel topping. It was a small serving and so good. I usually don't eat ice cream b/c I'm sort of lactose intolerate, but oh well. I wanted something sweet and satisfying. I need to buy some fudge bars b/c they help curb that sweet craving. I was going to have a small chocolate something, but I've been getting a lot of headaches from chocolate lately. I look back at this craving episode and think "Why didn't I lean on the Lord for satisfying this craving?". Well, it's b/c my craving (satan tempting me) won out over my own will. ARGH. This is so frustrating. I had such a great quiet time and then I go and forget that the Lord will provide. He would have provided for me to resist this temptation and I just didn't see that!

Dinner: 2 veggie dogs (fat free, nitrate free and loads of protein) on whole wheat bread w/lf mayo, mustard, ketchup and relish. I had some lime chips on the side. Sweet tea to drink.

I drank my water for the day (probably 25 oz). I know I need to drink more water but I have to work up the the 64 oz recommended.

As for what I did: I went to the gym and did biceps, triceps, quads and glutes. Then I did abs and walked for 35 min on the treadmill. I walked at 4 mph at an incline for about 20 min of that time. I also cleaned some of the house, did laundry, fixed dinners and lunches.

I will need prayer tonight as I spend a great evening w/some girlfriends to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I'm sure there will be some great food and I will need to resist the urge to stuff myself silly.

Jehovah Jirah - God will provide

This morning's bible study was about one of the names the jewish people gave God, Jehovah Jirah, which means God will provide. I read about how God told Abraham to take Issac and offer him as a sacrifice. And Abraham did it w/no arguement! Now, the Bible doesn't illustrate Abraham's feelings and thoughts through this, but his obedience was shown. Can you imagine God asking you to kill your own child?! As Abraham goes to do this, the Angel shows up and tells him to stop and God provides Abraham w/a ram for the sacrifice. I've often thought of this story and I've often wondered what impact this had on Issac. He was old enough to understand what was going on. Issac must have seen how Abraham loved God more than him and how obedience is so important to God. What an impact this must have had on him. Of course, the parallel to this is how God sacrificed his own son for US. God loved us so much that He went through with the sacrifice.

Yet I doubt on my future and having my needs met. Yet I doubt that I will lose weight. Yet I doubt that I can do what I need to do for my marriage and children. Why should I doubt? God will provide for it all. Jehovah Jirah! So as I was talking to God, I asked Him for his guidence in this weight loss effort. I asked Him for help in defeating my demons! Jehovah Jirah!

What I shouldn't have eaten!

Ok...I was good except for when I made Amelia mac n cheese...then I had a spoonful, then another, then another! I love that stuff and I know it is super bad for you but gosh, it's a comfort food for me. Now, I haven't had any since then, but gosh...I want to, especially since it's all rainy and stuff. I will resist!

Yesterday I had the usual food except that I didn't get to lunch. I had to settle for a protein snack bar b/c I was running errands all over the place (with NO children...ahhhh). I had a bowl of Fruit Loops when I got home (I know...not good either) and then I made turkey burgers w/garlic and onions, fresh broccoli sprinkled w/cheese, and long grain rice. It was quite yummy and I didn't have a dessert! Yay me!

I walked all over the place yesterday so I feel like I got some exercise. I was worn out when I got home so I had to have done SOMETHING. I'm just thankful I didn't have the girls w/me. I was able to enjoy shopping for a change.

Internet has been down so no blogging...

Well, our internet has been down for the back few days, so I haven't been able to blog. I missed it too!

My eating habits haven't changed all that much. I have the same thing for breakfast, except for today I had whole wheat banana bread (I made) then a protein bar. I've either had my fat free bean nachos or quesadilla. I'm trying to limit the tea.

I worked out Wednesday and today. I really DID NOT feel like doing it today. It is an effort to get us all ready then drive 40 min. south to G'ville, but now that it's done, I'm glad I did it. I'm still tired but at least I know I did something today. I'm also glad that I made it 3x this week! Woo hoo.

Well, later taters!

Today is Tuesday? Gosh...it doesn't feel like it

For breakfast I had 2 pieces of whole wheat bread w/jelly and a fried egg. I had my usual coffee. We had play group today. Nicole made chicken salad (which was yummy). I had some on a crousant and had carrots, broccoli and dip. I also had a handful of doritoes and sweet tea.

Amelia and I went outside and washed the car. Then we played in the water too! It was nice but cold water...brrrr.

I fixed spaghetti for dinner. I use ground turkey (93% fat free) and whole wheat noodles. I made my own garlic bread on whole wheat. I had some sweet tea.

Sweet tea is my NUMBER 1 weakness. I know this so I try to drink it only at eating times. I'm trying to keep my water bottle filled w/water and I drink that between meals. It's very hard to drink water now that I'm a stay at home mom. When I was working, I drank water very well b/c it was next to the computer and easy to drink. Now, I rarely sit down all day and I never seem to focus on drinking water. What's crazy is I am SOOO busy all day, yet I was gaining weight AGAIN. It has to be what I'm eating, so I need to change that, I know.

Another thing I'm not doing is spending time in the Word and with God. This has fallen on the wayside and is another reason I haven't lost weight. I keep taking my focus off the Lord and without His guidance, I am vulnerable to Satan creeping in and tempting me with laziness and food I shouldn't eat. A good friend at church suggested I get Beth Moore's "Believe God". I have to wait until John's check is in the bank but I plan on buying it very soon!

My day

B-fast was 2 leftover wheat pancakes w/syrup, fried egg and my usual coffee. Rebekah got up at 7, which is earlier than usual. I fed her, got Amelia fed then finally sat down to eat. I NEED my coffee in the morning...it calms me! Ha.

I had a banana and 1/2 tbsp pnut butter before we went to the gym. We left at 10 am for the gym, which is later than I wanted but Rebekah went back to sleep at 8:30 so I had to wait for her to wake up. We finally got to the gym and I did biceps, triceps, some back, some lunges and abs. Then I did 20 min on the bike, then 15 min on the elliptical. I drank a lot of water too.

For lunch and dinner I had my own version of nachos. Baked tostitoes, fat free refried beans, onions, cheese and low fat sour cream. The cheese is the thing w/the most fat so I don't use much. I had 3 mini chocolates and some sweet tea. I also vaccumed, cleaned the kitchen and bedrooms and did laundry.

Now the girls are bathed, Rebekah is in bed, Amelia is in bed and I'm fixin' to take a shower and enjoy a new episode of Heroes. G'nite.

What I ate this weekend (condensed version)

I made homemade whole wheat pancakes on Saturday morning and they were packed w/fiber. I ate 2 each morning w/a fried egg. On Saturday I had a meal bar then a protein bar later. Our neighborhood had a block party and I had a menagerie of stuff, not a lot of anything. I drank a lot of water too.

After church on Sunday, we met 2 couples from church at the mexican restaurant in Cleveland. I had a chicken quesadilla w/beans and sour cream. I had some chips as well. Honestly, what can you eat that's really healthy at a mexican restaurant?! I think what I ate was ok, not outstanding but ok. Later, before going back to church, I had some crackers w/lf cream cheese and sweet tea. Then after church I had cheerios. Not the best day, but Sundays are crazy.

I walked a lot on Saturday. I got out of the house and went to a few thrift stores and an antique store. That helped my soreness a bit. Today I'm going back to the gym so hopefully I will work out some of the soreness as well.

What I ate yesterday:

B-fast: whole wheat english muffin, fried egg, jelly, coffee w/sweetner and sugar free creamer

snack: protein bar

lunch: homemade nachos made w/chicken, tomatoes, onions, cheese on baked tostito chips w/lf sour cream, sweet tea

snack: apples and pnut butter

dinner: grilled chicken salad w/ranch

snack: small bowl of cereal (for some reason I was needing something else before I went to bed)

I also drank a big thing of water, which for me is improving from drinking no water. I did a lot of weight work yesterday on my quads, hamstrings, booty and abs before I worked out on the elliptical for 30 min. Total workout was 1 hr, 15 min. Today I am SORE. my booty is very sore!

What I ate yesterday

B-fast: whole wheat english muffin w/fried egg and jelly

snack: protein bar

lunch: homemade chicken quesidilla w/some cheese and LF sour cream, sweet tea

snack: meal bar

dinner: cereal (cheerios, not the honey nut kind)

I've missed the gym this week because:

Monday: too much to do at home (does cleaning and grocery shopping count as exercise?)
Tuesday: Playgroup at my house (11 kids, 6 adults and 3 babies)
Wednesday: trip to Smyrna to visit family (driving 1.5 hrs there/back)
Thursday: Playgroup in G'ville, then ran errands, then took girls to the park where I walked the track 2x then played w/the girls

I'm hoping tomorrow morning that I will get to the gym and maybe Saturday as well. Some weeks it's just really hard to get to the gym but I will prevail! I may not get there as much as I want but I will get there at least once a week.

Stuff going on: Rebekah is teething BAD, which means she's a normal happy baby one second and a screaming crying baby the next. Amelia did not go through this so this is all new to me. She's also not eating regular food and only wants her bottle which we are trying to wean her from. It's frustrating. Amelia is 4 and asks the same question 100x times a day (this is the truth). That drives me crazy! John is giving his middle schoolers the CRCT exams but school is going good for him. He's looking forward to the end of the year but will be teaching summer school so his summer vacation doesn't really start until July.

I'm in search of a good devotional for weight loss/women/health/exercise. If you know of one, please let me know. I was doing the devotional for First Place but then I missed several meetings and kind of lost my way. So I'd like something to replace that.

What I've been eating (I've been crazy busy and haven't had time to post)

Breakfasts: I usually eat a whole wheat english muffin w/a fried egg and jelly. I've found that the egg helps my sugar stay stable more than peanut butter.

Snack: granola bars

Lunch: Tuesday, I had 2 tacos w/made w/ground turkey and low fat sour cream. Yesterday I had chargrilled chicken sandwich and some fries.

Snack: granola bars, some cookies

Dinner: Tuesday night grilled chicken, corn, broccoli and rice w/some cheese. Last night was chicken quesadilla w/sour cream and chips

My crazy weekend in SC

Well, I go to mom's and get sick...again. So on Saturday I ate practically nothing but toast b/c my stomach was not well. Then on Sunday I felt better and I had more food but my bad food was pizza last night, which I was craving. NO MORE PIZZA unless I make it from scratch. I really don't eat pizza a lot but sometimes I crave it so bad. Why do we have bad cravings?!

Anyway, starting over this morning! I had toast w/jelly and a fried egg. I also had coffee w/Truvia and sugar free creamer (see...I'm improving...I didn't use sugar!). Truvia is SOOO much better than any other sweetner out there. It's the closest thing to sugar yet.

I can't go to the gym today, or tomorrow, or Wednesday. Today, I have a lot to do at the house and I need to go to the grocery store. Tomorrow I have playgroup at my house and Wednesday I am going to Austell to see my grandfather. It's gonna be one of those weeks I guess.

God will be with me as I make my choices this week. I will pray that I will make healthy choices and avoid the things that hinder me (laziness, chocolate, fried food, pizza).

What I ate yesterday

English muffin w/egg and jelly, coffee w/sugar and creamer

granola bar (right before hitting the gym)

granola bar after the gym

chicken cassarole, fresh veggies w/dip, some mm's

granola bar

chicken, green beans, corn, sweet tea

THE BAD NEWS

Yesterday I went for my free consultation and fitness assessment w/one of Bodyplex's personal trainers. I was dreading it but I need to know the truth about what I'm dealing with. Here's the results (gulp):

Weight: 225

My age: 34
My age w/the body I have now: 40 (OH MY GOSH)

% body fat: over 35% (which is off the chart!)

While most of this is not a surprise, it was sobering to see it laid out for me. At least now I can fully grasp the monster I'm facing.

So, here's my goal. I would love to lose 10% of my weight by my trip to the beach in July (about 4 months from today). So that's 22 lbs. I know I can do it if I don't get discouraged. The personal trainer also said that I need to do weights first then cardio. This will help me burn the right fat and build better muscle. While I would have LOVED to sign up to have a personal trainer, I just cannot afford $35/hour. When I talked to John later, he said that there a ton of free information to use online for personal trainers. I will investigate that later.

Well, I'm off to the gym.

What I ate yesterday (I was too tired to blog last night)

Breakfast: english muffin w/peanut butter and cream cheese
coffee w/sugar and cream

Snack: granola bar

Lunch: small burger w/broccoli salad and low fat mac n cheese

Snack: vanilla wafers and milk

Snack: granola bar, chips

Dinner (didn't get it until 9:45): bowl of cereal

What I ate today

Breakfast: English muffin w/egg and jelly
coffee w/2 tsp sugar and sugar free creamer

Snack: Granola bar

Lunch: broccoli salad, chips, turkey cassarole, sweet tea

Dinner: Low fat mac n cheese, sweet tea

Splurg: 3 little chocolates

Where to start? I've never done a blog before. I started this blog for John and I to use, but we seem to be posting on Facebook more than here, so I guess I will take over our blog for my own. So for all interested, this is my weight loss journal (and I hope it's a LOSS not GAIN journal). I hope to be brave enough to tell you the truth in my journey. I'm very scared to do it b/c it means BIG accountability but I need that so here goes. This is an account of my weight woes over the years.

I have been fighting this weight fight since age 13. A lot of stuff happened at this age. I moved from FL to GA. I had no interest in anything but sitting on my booty and being pouty about having to move. Thus I gained about 25 lbs. Well, I got involved in softball and that helped the lbs, but not my eating habits. I think that I didn't start really losing the weight and gaining self esteem until I started earning my own money by having a job. Then, at age 18, I met someone and fell hard for him. Then we broke up and I kind of starved myself thin. I got down to a size 8 by eating nothing but chicken. And I ran about 2 miles a day too. I really denied myself a lot of food, good and bad. It was not a healthy time for me. What's funny though is people told me I was TOO skinny!! HA.

Flash forward to my second year of UGA. I was probably at my healthiest. One great reason for this is I walked everywhere on campus. I also worked out everyday at the campus gym. I was around a size 10 and really didn't have to think too hard about my weight. Well, then my senior year hit and I had zero time to do anything except projects for school. So, here came the weight. By the time I'd graduated I was probably a size 14.

So everyone knows the next story...get a job where you sit on your bum for 9 hours a day and ZOOM...weight goes up faster than gas prices. I tried Weight Watchers for awhile and lost 20 lbs but then that came back when I didn't keep it up. I couldn't even lose weight for my wedding dress (a size 18). Even though my wedding day was the happiest day of my life, a part of myself was upset that I couldn't lose the weight.

Well, next came being pregnant w/my first baby Amelia and the gaining of 35 lbs (which isn't awful but I was already 50 lbs overweight). That was my heaviest (and I cringe to mention this) at 240 lbs. GASP! I really hated my body and this affected my relationship w/my hubby. You don't exactly feel beautiful in bed w/your hubby when you are that overweight.

Finally, after seeing pictures of me at the beach (which can blow anyone's self esteem to pieces), I committed this journey to God Almighty and began to go to First Place at church. AHHHH...clarity comes. What is the real reason for overeating, laziness and running from the truth? Well, myself really. Myself giving into what the devil offers me in place of our Savior. Finally, the pounds started dropping. Not a lot, but enough. I joined a gym w/some girlfriends at work and then I started noticing that my pants weren't as uncomfortable.

Then...boom. PREGNANT. Well, this time was different. I was committed in First Place and by the time Rebekah was born, I actually had lost about 15 lbs. Cool huh? God is so good.

So that takes me to this point. I lost my job last July (a huge blow to my self esteem) but I actually kept the weight off for awhile. However, it's coming back. ARGH. I can honestly tell you that I rarely sit on my booty anymore but somehow the weight is STILL hanging on. It is like an addiction I can't get rid of. I'm sick of it! AND I'm sick of this body I've put myself in. God gave me this body and look what I'm doing to it! I have to get better or my future looks grim. So, I took the first step today. I joined Bodyplex and I'm so scared that I will not finish the work God has started in me. Tomorrow I have an "assessment" at the gym. I will get all the bad news then and post my weight and measurements (ugh...i cringe). Hopefully I can start w/the bad and end w/the REALLY GOOD! Thanks for joining me in this journey :)