CONFESSIONS

In an effort to be more transparent, I must confess that my goal of losing a meager 10 lbs by July 10 has not happened. I think I may have lost about 2 lbs but no more than that. I must also confess this is 100% my fault. I have not exercised enough nor have I been strict about my eating. So those 2 things together = me staying the same. I prayed this morning that God would forgive me for failing at this little goal but it's harder to forgive myself. When you are overweight and struggle with eating/exercise, the trap you fall into is "I'll always fail at this so what's the point?". I know that I am feeling that today. I think it's because I don't eat or drink a lot of foods that typically cause people to gain weight, like fast food, fried foods and soft drinks. I eat turkey burgers, whole wheat bread, whole wheat pasta, fruit, veggies and try to avoid sweets. This has helped me maintain my current weight but not lose. It's frustrating but that's my reality.

I leave tomorrow for the beach. I vow to watch what I'm eating and not make the mistake of saying "I'm on vacation so who cares!". I will also be doing a lot of active things, like biking and hopefully, kayaking, as well as playing on the beach with my family. (Now, I also hope to sit on my bum and read a book while basking in the sunlight too!)

Hopefully, by having a plan NOW before the trip will help me keep focused and not gain the usual 5 lbs.

So, I've not achieved my goal but it's not the end of the world. I will just keep on plugging along. The summer is a crazy time, with no routine (which is something I thrive on). I know it will be extra hard to stay focused but I know I can keep losing, even if it's just 2 lbs every six weeks.

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH

That's the way I've been feeling lately. Blah about exercising, blah about eating and blah about myself in general. I've been doing this for so long that I don't know what else I can do differently to get results. I know I need to exercise more but I'm bored with the options. I love the gym but hate to have to go over 30 miles to get there. I love walking but my foot can't take it if I push myself hard. I love biking but need a good bike and helmet to do that ($ we don't have right now). A friend gave me a at-home step aerobics thing but I can't seem to do it. I guess right now I am in a rut and I'm hoping that if I write this all down in a blog, it will give me a push I need.

I know that God is healing me of my food addiction. Some days are better than others, but right now I feel in control. I know I can say no to things and I know when to stop eating if I'm getting full. I pray if I'm tempted too much. I try to get busy doing other stuff to get my mind off of whatever it is that's tempting me.

I'm finding that exercise is now the hard part. I love to exercise but the get up and go is the hard part. And now, it's so hot outside. My time to walk is limited to the morning and evening. These are all obstacles I must overcome, but some days, it's hard to just do it.

So now, I will make myself do it. Time to walk :)