THANKFULNESS

This week is Thanksgiving, which is why I'm doing a list of things I'm thankful for in regard to my weight loss. I am thankful for...

• God, who has never left my side in this struggle. He is there to give me a way out of bad food decisions or laziness. He is there for me when I feel Satan pressing down on me to eat wrong and be lazy. He also made me realize this is a lifelong lifestyle, which was the turning point in this whole journey.
• my husband, who is encouraging me to go on and is noticing the changes ;)
• my family, who is also encouraging me to press onward.
• my friends and their encouragement. Of course, some of them are on this journey with me and are an inspiration for me to move forward by the struggles they have overcome.
• my body, which is whole and wonderful, no matter how many pounds I have to lose.
• my gym and the person that is graciously paying for me to go there.
• Truvia
• Splenda flavorings and fat free creamer
• seeing the small changes, such as: my towel wraps almost all around me, I can push harder and farther in spinning class, my rings are looser and my face is thinner.
• frozen yogurt
• being able to cross my legs (it's getting easier and easier)

That's all I can think of for now. Happy Thanksgiving everyone :)

To Exercise or not to exercise...that is the question.

Today it is raining and very gloomy. Not exactly a day where you want to jump up and start exercising. Well, to be honest, every day I struggle w/the motivation to get out and move my toosh. It doesn't help matters that my gym in 35-40 min. away. Today, I could have gone south to the gym but then I looked at the piles of dirty dishes and the messy house and decided that today I would just stay home. Now, I do this knowing that I will be going to work out the rest of the week. That is the key to sticking to an exercise regime. You can have days off as long as you know you'll be getting back to it tomorrow or the next day after that. I try not to miss more than 2 days of exercise. I know that if I miss more than 2 days, it makes it that much harder to get back to the gym (and my muscles pay for it).

I look toward God everyday to give me the energy and motivation for getting out and exercising. He alone gives me what I need to keep on keeping on. It would be so much easier for me if Cleveland had a gym (with childcare) but I think that maybe this is another way God is showing me endurance by making me travel to G'ville for the gym. I know that Satan knows that I don't want to head south but then I remember God is there and He is not going to let me down. I get myself (and a 2 yr old) ready, get in the car and head down there. Then, the Christian radio station will play "Voice of Truth" or some other inspirational song and I know I am doing the right thing.

Maybe I'm not doing anything tremendous and exciting but I am fighting to get this weight off. I am fighting to show others that I can succeed.

So, if you are reading this and just NOT finding the motivation to exercise today, then just let it go but resolve NOW to get on that treadmill, elliptical, walk outside, or whatever TOMORROW. Don't put it off. God is there w/you, helping you.

SHOPPING FOR NEW CLOTHES

It was time. Time for new CLOTHES! All the sacrifices, all the frustration, all the sweat (and some blisters), all of it was worth it just to go into Kohl's and NOT have to shop in the big girl sizes anymore. PRAISE THE LORD!!! I was trying on clothes and I felt good in them. I felt pretty and sexy and confident. God is so good to me. He has held my hand through it all and finally I got to reap my reward for my hard work. And it has been hard...so hard. It's so much easier to eat what I want, when I want and how much I want. It's so much harder to eat right and exercise.

Now, my next goal is to have to go shopping come spring/summer. I know if I've made it this far, I can make it further.

So to all my LOSER (as in weight) friends out there, DON'T GIVE UP!!! Your day is coming where you will reap the rewards for your struggles with this evil called "fatty foods and laziness". You have been through it with me so I know you can succeed too. God knows it too.

Surprise! It fits!

Have you ever had that ONE thing in your closet that you've kept, hoping and praying that one day you would fit into it? Well, I got rid of almost all my old clothes when I would *gulp* grow out of them and have to buy bigger clothes, but I held onto one thing. A jeans skirt from Old Navy. It's one of those timeless (I think) pieces and a good jeans skirt is hard to find. I can't remember when I wore it last. I just know it's a size 16 and I haven't been that size since before Amelia was born over 5 years ago. Well, this Sunday I thought, "I wonder if it fits". And SURPRISE!! It does fit! And I could breath in it. WOW! I'm so glad I kept it.

This weekend is a fun weekend for me. I am going to see my sister and parents BUT I'm also going shopping!!! I have almost no clothes left that I can wear anymore which is a good problem to have but also a bad problem in terms of $$. It's not just clothes but it's also my unmentionables too. I know I've lost some inches b/c that's where I can really tell I've lost. I am so excited to go shopping. Usually, I'm not excited. Usually, it's a depressing idea. If you've been as overweight as I am, you know what I mean.

I will weigh in tomorrow night at church. I'm not looking forward to it. I hate the scale. Even when I lose all this weight I will still HATE the scale. The scale is a necessary evil.

So, if you are reading this and having trouble eating right and exercising, take heart! You can do it. Look up to God for guidance and strength. Take your struggle to Him all day and every day. Pray about specific things you struggle with. Mine were time for exercise, sugary foods and fast food. God has helped me overcome it ALL!!! I still struggle, the Lord knows I do, but I feel like I have a champion on MY side in this battle.

5 lbs lost...whew!

I finally faced the dreaded scale last Friday and to my shock and surprise...loss of 5 lbs! I didn't jump up and down though. I don't know why I didn't get excited. Maybe it's because I know the reason I've lost those pounds is because I have added more fruits and veggies to my diet and am cutting out more refined carbs. Maybe it's because I know in my heart of hearts that that's got to happen. I can't eat to my carb delight! It's kind of depressing to know that, even if it means that's the key to my losing weight.

See, even though my head knows that eating less refined carbs and eating more fruits and veggies is the KEY to my success, my wanting of bad stuff does NOT stop. People who have a high metabolism or have never had a weight problem in their life do not understand this. I know they think, "Just cut out ___ and you'll lose weight" but for me that's the kiss of death. If I cut it out, I want it more. The key for me is to reduce it gradually over time. Take my sweet tea addiction. I was drinking sweet tea all the time. It was my go-to drink. I first cut it down to 3 glasses a day. Then over time, down to 2. Now I am down to 1 glass a day but most days I don't drink it at all.

Other things haven't been too hard for me but I know it's a battle for others. Fast food, for instance, has not been hard for me to cut out. I know it's a God thing, but I honestly don't like the taste of McDonald's, Chick-fil-a (shocker, I know), Burger King, etc. Every fast food has it's own unique taste but God has made it taste bad to me. I know that sounds crazy but I prayed about it and that's how it is for me now. Another thing is sweets around the house. That has become a daily battle that God continues to fight for me. My husband brings home cookies, brownies, etc. from school. I do not eat them. God gives me the power to resist. I choose healthier options such as frozen yogurt or reduced fat muffins I make from scratch.

If you are feeling like you've hit a plateau, or you are struggling to start your new food life, here's some advice from me (who is battling the same battle).

1. Take it to God every morning. Ask Him to help you make the right decisions with food and help for finding time to exercise.
2. Take baby steps. For one week cut back on something that you HAVE to have that's not good for you.
3. Don't expect it to be easy. This is the biggest lesson I've learned. This is a battle I will have to do for the rest of my life. It will never be easy for me, even when I get down to my 'ideal' weight. I had to come to terms with this fact when I started. I would love to be gifted with losing all this weight and then magically keeping it off, but that's not what's going to happen. When I accepted the fact that I would have to eat this way for the rest of my life, then I was able to move forward with changing my eating habits. If you are not ready to do that, you are not ready to lose the weight.

Well, I guess this was a longer post than I intended!

I've added some new stuff to my blog, as well as changing the blog name. I finally found a ticker to track my weight loss as well as adding a picture of me 'before' and now. When I look at my 'before' picture, it makes me so optimistic. I have come so far and I don't realize it until I see that picture. I am keeping it on my blog permanently so that if I am having a "wanna eat everything in sight" days then I can look at that picture! Eating everything in sight is what led to that 'before' picture!

Bad Foot = no fun!

I've got plantar faciaitis (sp wrong) in my left foot. I am doing all the exercises, ice and anti-inflammatory you are supposed to do for it. The pain has almost stopped. Depends on what I've done that day and what shoes I wore. I still can't do a lot of high impact aerobics though (boo hiss). That means that this weekend I will have to walk in a 5k, which I'm not happy about. I would normally run or power walk it. I haven't actually gotten the ok from my doc but I think as long as I don't push it, I'll be fine. Anyways, I hope this foot thing is better by next March so I can do the 10k in Charleston again. I would love to beat my time :)

I haven't gotten on the scale in awhile. Truth is, I'm scared of the thing. I never seem to have good news when I stand on it. Well, tomorrow I go for my woman's appointment so I'll have to get on the dang thing. UGH. Not looking forward to THAT. I am, however, looking forward to seeing if my doctor will give me some answers about why this weight is coming off me at a snail's pace. I'm hoping that she'll do more in-depth blood work and such. I would LOVE some prayers for this. My frustration is at the maximum right now.

I worked out today. I was sick last week so working out didn't happen much, but today I made it and now I feel awesome! I know some of you are groaning, but give exercise a chance. Some days it lifts you up and you feel on top of the world. Most days I literally drag my butt to the gym but I am thankful I did it EVERY TIME I finish a workout. So don't rule it out. JUST DO IT!

Where does the time go?

Sorry for not posting lately...time is flying so fast that I'm trying to keep up. I actually have a few minutes to post something today before I get ready for playgroup.

I am really frustrated w/my lack of weight loss lately. I have not lost a pound in over 2 weeks and I feel like I'm stuck. I eat as good as I can and I exercise as much as I can. I have had to quit high impact exercises so I'm doing elliptical and bike machines (or spinning class when I can). I'm still doing my weight classes. And, I know, muscle weighs more than fat, but don't you think I should be LOSING the fat??? It's so frustrating. I feel like I'm a hamster on an exercise wheel, running and running but not going anywhere. It makes me want to quit this whole thing!

I go to the doc in a couple of weeks. I will try to get some answers from him but I'm not holding out hope for that. Part of me is bracing for the fact that this is just my stupid body's lack of metabolism but the other part of me is hoping that there is a medical reason I'm not losing weight faster.

Anyway, I've said all this to conclude that the only thing I can do today is keep on keeping on. Eat right and keep moving. I'm not gaining weight, which is good. I can only do what I know God wants me to do. It is for His glory that I do this at all. It is His strength that I have. He is telling me that this is NOT in vane. He is telling me that what I'm doing is right even if it feels like it's not doing any good.

BACK TO REALITY...FOR REAL THIS TIME

Yeah, so I know my last post I said I was getting back to reality but it didn't happen until Monday when I hauled my weighty booty back to the gym. I needed to do something so I did the weight class and I knew it was gonna be painful the next day and...it was....VERY painful. I could hardly walk thanks to the hundreds of squats and lunges. I went back to the gym this morning and I did a cardio class AND the weight class so I'm a little less sore but not much. I'm thinking that by Saturday, I may be able to walk normal!

I think all this soreness is God's way of showing me how fast our bodies can go back to lazy mode. I don't think I was that lazy. I did walk and bike almost everyday on vacation but I didn't do any squats or lunges. My diet didn't totally fall apart but I definitely haven't been keeping my food diary, which helps that mentality of no one is gonna see this so who cares? Oh, my friend, God does. He sees it all. Everyone tries to live and act like God doesn't see our innermost feelings and our secret stashes of chocolate. We act as though we are entitled to the best body just by being alive. The truth is, for most of us, we have to work at it. For some of us (me) it's a daily struggle of good vs evil, or in my case, bad carb vs good carb, high calorie food vs low cal food and sweet tea vs water. It's a constant battle, 24/7. Even though I didn't go and gain 25 of my lost lbs in 4 weeks, I could have. God has given me the strength so that I can 'splurge' occasionally and know that, through His power, I can come back again to where He wants me to be. I'm officially back on track now.

So back to working out and eating right...Making better choices for a better future.

VACATION RUINS ME

Well, ok. Vacation only ruined my eating habits and the ability to come back to real life. I indulged in ice cream almost daily (with MnMs on top). I had tacos (w/normal, fat ground beef). I had lasagna. And it was all GOOD. I'm trying to get back to my 'normal' eating this week. I think I'm doing a kind of detox! Other than having 1/2 bagel in the morning, I am sticking to my usual routine. I have jury duty all week so working out is not going to happen but next week it's back on that bandwagon. I did, however, walk and bike a lot on vacay. The last day I biked, I had to bike about 3 miles against the wind, which was H-A-R-D and I felt it in my hamstrings the next day.

So, I'm not going to weigh in until I get back into my routine for a few weeks. I know I probably gained a little so I need to get back into control. I HATE, HATE, HATE weighing in. Nothing can make my self-confidence plummet like a scale.

Other than ruining my eating habits, vacation was WONDERFUL and much needed. I loved getting my daily dose of Vitamin D and miss it so!

ANOTHER VICTORY

When you are on the weight loss journey, you need to celebrate the small victories you have DAILY. My victory lately has been that I have FINALLY made it down to my pre-Amelia weight! It's hard fighting this battle but I am winning. Well, actually, Jesus is in front of me, slaying the demons of fast food, donuts and laziness, but I am with Him.

Sometimes I feel like the 300-you know that movie? 300 against thousands. The odds are not good. Of course, the Bible has many stories in it about less than 300 fighting thousands, but with God on their side, they were able to slay the thousands. When I started on this journey, I felt like the odds were against me. The very number of the amount of weight I needed to lose was overwhelming. That could have stopped me from even trying! Then to know that the way I needed to eat and exercise had to be a permanent change is another overwhelming idea. Jesus, however, has a way of making you look at a mountain and tell it to move. He is with me always and my mountain is moving. You don't have to have confidence in yourself all the time. Just know that Jesus has confidence in you is enough! It's so comforting to know that Jesus is there WITH me, fighting this battle for me!

Yesterday I had to get some shorts or Bermudas or something cotton like for July 4th. I have 2 jean Bermudas and brown Bermudas. Well, the brown ones are just too long (or I'm too short). Anyways, I went on to Kohl's. I had no children to hinder my shopping so I could take my time. I thought...hmmm...I'll try on the 16W pants. Maybe they'll fit. And...they DID! I was ecstatic. That is such a little thing but I felt like the mountain was moving! I was also able to buy clothes in the regular section (size 18 skort and xl shirts). That's another step in the right direction. My goal is to be totally OUT of the women's section by the end of the summer. Oh and don't get me started on the women's section clothing venting. That's for another day.

For those of you on this journey with me, remember to celebrate the little victories. The DAILY victories. Maybe today you won't eat fast food or a donut. Maybe today you will walk for 10 minutes. Maybe today you will drink all your water (a task I still strive for). Whatever the victory, remember to stop and thank the Lord for fighting for you. After all, your victories are His too!

Things that change when you lose weight

If you are like me, there are some things you couldn't do as an overweight person. There are the big things like run for a long length of time and small things like cross your legs. As you lose the weight, you also gain some things you thought you'd never do again. I was thinking about this last night when I got out of the shower and the little fat fold between my arm pit and chest was a lot smaller than before. Sometimes it's good to make a list of what has changed, to help you remember how far you've gone. This is important for all aspects of your life, not just weight loss.

• I can cross my legs now. I couldn't before. Such a small thing but when I was able to do that again, I feel so empowered. I know...weird.
• I can run/walk a 10k.
• I can play with the girls without getting out of breath.
• I can lift the girls over and over and I don't get tired.
• My whole body is getting stronger. There's a very fit and toned person under the flubber!
• I can see my arm muscles, back and front!
• I can feel my butt muscles.
• My bath towel is almost closing around me. This might be a little too much info for ya, but it's something that I use to judge my inches lost.
• My perspective about food has changed.
• I am now an exercise fanatic.
• My relationship with Christ is much stronger.

I'm reading Psalms right now. I love David. He was a very human man, who made very human mistakes but searched God with all his heart, all the time. In Psalm 10, verse 1 David says "Why, O Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?" In Psalms 13, David is basically repeating the same, "How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?" I think I have asked this so many times. I think we all have. David asks this but his Psalms aways end praising the Lord and knowing the Lord will be faithful to him. It's so hard to see God's hand working in our lives, especially in times of great trial. I know there are multiple times I want to quit this weight loss journey (sometimes all in one day). David probably wanted to quit running. He wanted to quit hiding but he knew that God was in control and his refuge was in that knowledge. I take refuge in that as well. God is in control. Why are we doing anything unless it's for God's glory? God has been so faithful to me. I will continue to glorify the Lord in this journey, no matter how frustrated I get!

Finally, another loss

I weighed yesterday. I was praying for a loss. Is that wrong? I don't know but it was a 2 lb loss! I was completely prepared for another disappointment, either a gain or stay the same. I was so happy to see a loss. I really needed to see that. God is so faithful to me. He knows what I need when I need it. Losing these 2 lbs have been hard fought, even if it's a drop in the weight loss bucket.

Another thing I realized yesterday. I have lost almost 50 lbs since 2007. I was shocked to really understand this. That is what both my girls weigh together! Wow. I think I've come to accept that it may take me 5 years to lose all the weight. Maybe that's God's plan for me. He's changed my view of food. Oh, I still LOVE to eat. I love cakes, pies, chocolate, fried foods, etc., but God has shown me that food is NOT a reward. Food is fuel for your body. He wants you to enjoy eating but not so much that it takes over and pushes Him out. I was letting food push God out of my heart. Oh, I still loved God and loved church and loved my family. But I was allowing my recklessness toward eating and exercising to take over my life. The devil knows where I am the weakest and attacks it with all his power. I will always have this battle but God has given me the power to fight it. It's exhausting but with His help, I will overcome.

So if you are reading this and wondering how you can do the same...well, I don't have an answer for you. For me, it was that first picture on my previous post-the one from the beach in 2007. God blew it up in 3D for me! Then when I got pregnant with Rebekah, it was in 4D! Something clicked for me that has never clicked before. God became (continues to be) the focus for me and letting Him take control of my eating and exercising habits. I knew that I had to make permanent change in my life. It was then that I started looking at food differently. That is the key-to look at food as what you need and not what you desire. You may not be there yet. It may not be time for you to start. Or maybe you are there and just don't know where to start. Let me know. I want to be praying with you and for you on your own journey.

Take a look at the verses on my blog today. It's AWESOME how these daily verses are so relevant to my current blogs!

To exercise or not to exercise...that is the problem!

Ah, exercise. I love to do it, truly I do, but some days it is SO hard to pick up my arse and do it. It's getting really hard to do it during the summer while John is home! Him being home has thrown my whole routine off. I used to have a great routine: Get up, take A to school, go to gym, pick A up then home. Ah...I love routines. I do get tired of them but I always go back.

Well, today (in an attempt to stay on my workout routine) on the way to the gym, I realized that today was the last day for our 30% off Kohl's coupon. Well, 30% is so good and Rebekah needed some shorts. We also had to go to John's Dad's house for lunch so there was no way I could work out then go to Kohl's then make it back to his Dad's house for lunch. So, I decided to forgo weight lifting class for shopping with the husband and 2 daughters. Well, I quickly realized that going to my weight class would have been easier and more enjoyable! Not only did we go to Kohl's but JcPenny's too and by 11:45, the girls and I were having meltdowns. It's hard enough to cart 2 kids around and TRY to shop but try doing it with a husband that looks at everything twice and takes forever to make a decision. It was complete madness and now that I look back on it, I know God was saying to me, "see, Sarah, you should have gone to weight class".

Tomorrow is a new day. I should walk tonight but it's rumbling outside and I'm not sure I want to risk another "lesson" from God in the form of lightning.

It occured to me this past weekend that I need to post some pictures so I, and ya'll, can see the progress I am making on this journey. I'm going to attempt to add pictures with text so we'll see what happens!!

Me at my heaviest- Probably 245-250 lbs.

2 months after Rebekah's birth... Probably 215 lbs

225 lbs. July '09

June '10...200-205 lbs (haven't weighed in awhile).

I know I've lost inches and gained muscle. I'm a work in progress :) God is forever my strength and joy through this whole process.

Crazy 2 weeks...

I've had a crazy week. It all started with our Sunday School party Saturday night, then family get-together for Memorial Day on Sunday, then Tuesday leaving for FL, then Wednesday in FL then traveling back to GA, spending the night in Macon Wednesday night, more traveling on Thursday and finally home. Needless to say, my eating habits have been all over the place. I did good except for the occasional cake and banana pudding incidents. I also had some sweet tea but it wasn't that sweet so I didn't really count it as "real" sweet tea.

While at the hotel on Wednesday morning, I honestly tried to work out in the fitness center but everytime I went to work out, all the machines were taken. Yesterday I played in our little pool with the girls for 2 hrs. That counts as something I hope. So today is back to reality. I'm gonna get a hold of the food and exercise.

Walking, walking, walking

I've started walking in my neighborhood. Since John is home for the summer, it's a great opportunity to get up early and get out. The girls are still asleep (and so is John) so I strap on my lil MP3 player and get hoofing. My neighborhood has some killer hills (I live in the mountains so it's not a shocker) and to do 2 laps around all the whole 'hood is 3.4 miles. I figure every week I will add another few hundred feet and eventually be able to do 4 laps (10k). I feel better about doing something since it will be hard to get to the gym now that John is home. I've also had some people suggest I change up my work out routine to help me lose some more weight.

I walked this morning and it was SO humid. I'm not sure if I was wet from sweating or because of the wetness in the air!

Frustrations, Depression and Stress


Ok, so, I weighed today and the result was not good. No loss. I mean, really? I have cut out ALL that I can, really I have. I use the minimum of things w/high fat and calories. I am on week 3 of my sweet tea fast and I've not had my FAVORITE creamer in 2 weeks. I saw a great loss then NOTHING. Can you sense my frustration? I am holding back the sobs because I try so hard to do it right and see no results. I guess I was hoping and praying for just some kind of loss (or miracle). I feel as though I've been studying for a test for 2 weeks and I've failed the test. I am crying now, full blown. I'm depressed and stressed!

When I get this way, I just want to say SCREW IT and drink my sweet tea. I'm pissed off at my body. I'm mad at the world really. I'm mad at myself, for letting it get to this point. I work out to the point of exhaustion. I cut back on the foods I enjoy and nothing happens.

My mother would probably tell me that I shouldn't be baring my soul out to the world but I need to let others know (the ones going thru this same battle) that they are not alone. I NEED to know that I'm not alone. I need to hear from someone that they have the same problems.

When I opened my blog to write, I saw my subtitle "How God is blessing me through weight loss". I had to really face that today because honestly, I felt no blessings up until right now. I realize now that what God is teaching me today is perserverance and patience. I think He wants me to turn my anger into a drive to do better tomorrow and the next day and the next. To work harder, to see the outcome rather than the race. He wants me to see that even though the race is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, He will be with me through it, even if I don't know He's there. And today, on that demon scale, I didn't feel Him. I should have stopped myself and turned to God in that moment. Every fiber in my body wants to listen to the devil shouting at me "Give up! You can't do it! You will just fail in the end!" It's so much easier to eat what you want, when you want, however much you want. It's so much easier to not work out, to sit on your butt and do nothing. I feel bruised today but I will not give in. I will keep fighting b/c I will not let the devil snare me anymore.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us."
Hebrews 12:1

So, I've been wondering what to write in my blog today. I need to keep this journal going but sometimes there's just not much going on. If you keep up with my food journal on livestrong.com, then you will see I have gone over my calories for 2 days in a row. That for is me RARE. So here are my explanations.

I did good Sunday until we went to Medieval Times. Of course, I didn't really care what the calories were b/c I've not eaten there in a long time. But today, doing my journal, I saw how many calories and fat were consumed there. Again, I'm not stressing about that. John and I rarely go out to eat like that.

I worked out yesterday, and since I hadn't slept well, it was a HARD workout. BodyAttack is not my favorite class but I did it and I'm glad I did. All day afterward I was just hungry. I ate ok but then around 10 last night, I wanted more. I rarely want to eat after 9 pm but I was still hungry. Ever since I've started changing my eating habits I very rarely get that hungry. God is filling me up more than food. However yesterday I probably should have gone to Him instead of that last bowl of cereal. Did you see that lightbulb go off over my head?

Well, that's my boring life for now. Today is a new day.

FINALLY A BREAKTHROUGH!!

So, Wednesday, after working out for 2 hrs. straight, I got on the scale, expecting to see nothing changed and BOOM...it was a LOSS. I was shocked. I looked and looked at the number. Then I did the math...is that 20 lbs?! Oh MY GOSH! I was so excited...I needed someone there to cry with. It seems to have taken me SO long to get to that number! It seems that whatever change has happened in my eating habits is working. I hate to have given up on my creamer but to see that number made it worth it. If I can still see the losses, then giving on the sweet tea is worth it (I actually had a sip of some today...just a sip and ah...heaven).

So, I'm still working on it. Everyday is a challenge. I'm HOPING that my weight loss will be the opposite of the usual person's. You know how people say "the last 20 lbs were the hardest"? Well, what if my first 20 was the hardest and the rest is a breeze?

Hey...a girl can dream, can't I?

REALITY (a.k.a. sweet tea fast)

After being frustrated last blog, I sent an email to my nutritional mentor who then looked at my food journal (www.myplate.com for anyone who needs a great way to journal). She called me and we discussed, at length, how even though my calories were under control, my fat intake was not. UGH. Can you believe this? Here I thought I was doing good. Well, I am doing good but just need to tweak a few things. So here's what those tweaks are:

• No more egg yolk-I am now eating an egg white every morning in place of the whole egg. My fat grams went from 4.5 to 0 and calories went from 70 to 16.
• CANNOT have my sugar free creamer anymore (oh MAN!). I have to switch to fat free creamer. I will do so as soon as I run out of the other. I have fat free creamer now but it's not sugar free. When I run out of that then I will do the switch to plain, fat free creamer. I'm truly crying b/c I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my sugar free caramel creamer.
• No more sweet tea-This is gonna be HARD for me. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my sweet tea (and I don't even use a ton of sugar)!

Ok, so Nicole (my mentor) and I decided I would do without these items until July 4th (Peachtree Road Race). That's approximately 9 weeks. I think I can last that long. I will miss my coffee w/the creamer and my sweet tea at lunch but if it means losing weight faster than I am now, then it will be worth it.

FRUSTRATIONS!!!!!

Ok...so here are my frustrations, which are probably fueled by my hormones right now.

• NOT LOSING WEIGHT FAST ENOUGH...Is this God's way of teaching me patience? Yes, probably, but when is it time to see a doctor? I added up my calorie loss due to exercise and I should be losing 1 lb every week. That is not happening. I look at my calorie intake and it's VERY rarely over 1800 calories/day. Why am I not losing weight like everyone else?
• OTHER PEOPLE ARE LOSING MORE WEIGHT THAN ME IN LESS TIME...I ran into a friend of mine who mentioned that she and another friend of mine have lost 18 and 21 lbs each in the span of a few months. I was immediately thrown into depression. I've not lost 18 lbs in over a YEAR!!!! What am I doing wrong?

This all makes me want to throw my hands up and quit. Truly it does. If anyone ate what I eat and work out like I do they'd be losing weight super fast but not me. It really does make me want to cry. I give my diet and exercise to God every day. I give Him all the praise for the weight I have lost. I will continue to praise Him through all this but is it time for a professional? Is it time to do something different?

I would appreciate some prayer from ya'll. thanks :)

Macaroni and cheese, bread and pudding

I have been sick for the past 3 days, thanks to the pollen. I've never had allergies this bad. It seems that every year it gets worse for me. I have to remember to keep taking the Claritin but I forget. Anyways, when I am sick I seem to crave more carbs. All want is macaroni and cheese, bread, and pudding. Who am I kidding? I crave this all the time. I am addicted to macaroni and cheese (from the box or otherwise). It is the ultimate feel good food for me.

Bread is always welcome, in any form. About 2 weeks ago I went to Ryan's Steakhouse with my parents and I had a yeast roll. You know the ones w/the honey butter? It melted in my mouth. For weeks I'd not had white bread so this was wonderful. Well, then I had to account for it in my food journal and BAM! That one roll was 340 calories! No wonder it tasted like heaven.

Pudding....mmmm...need I say more? I'm a pudding lover. I would rather have that then cake or pie.

Anyways, as I sat down this morning to eat my usual breakfast I was thinking about food. I ate my wheat bread w/pb and j, egg and coffee but what I really wanted was a big ole stack of pancakes with butter, syrup and bacon on the side. Will these cravings ever go away? Will I learn that eating right and healthy is BETTER for you than that other crap you shovel into your mouth? Why does healthy food have to taste like cardboard sometimes? I know in my brain that healthy food is better for you. I'm starting to really understand that but then I have one roll at Ryan's and it's like "where have you been all my life?". I deny myself the brownies I made for my hubby (they are sitting out on the counter as I type) but cave when my friend makes a pudding dish (and it was so good). It's like the devil knows where to snare me. He knows how to push all my carb and sugar buttons.

Well, today is a new day. Back to eating those fruits and veggies!!!

I'm reading a great devotional right now. A good friend of mine gave it to me, knowing how much I LOVE coffee. It's called "The Coffee Mom's Devotional" by Celeste Palermo. Today's devotion was on consistancy and resolve. God, in His awesomeness, knew I needed this. Since I'm striving to eat more fruits and veggies, it was good to read up on being consistent and having more resolve. I have been seeing results by choosing fruits over sweets and choosing veggies over chips. It's not easy though and sometimes, just plain not as good as those chips! I knew in my head that I had to cut out more carbs in my diet but it took someone else (not a family member) to tell me that.

I get so envious at other women, who seem to eat what they want and gain no weight at all. I eat better than they do and I struggle to lose 2 lbs! It seems so unfair. And what's even more frustrating is knowing that I will have to eat like this for the rest of my life. I know in my heart that God is leading me through this so that I can be a light for others and that's what I want. I want others to see me and see God's light shining through me. I want others to know that if you give ANYTHING to God, that He will bring you through the trial.

"Set your minds on things above, not earthly things." Colossians 3:2

Our rewards are not of this earth. I forget this often. We as human beings look all the time to earthly things and earthly rewards. A nicer house, car or big vacation. While having nice things is not wrong, if it's what we strive for then something is missing. I think about that with my weight. If a nicer body is what I'm striving for then why I am doing it? I truly want to lose this weight so I can tell the world that God is the reason. I do want to lose the weight for earthly reasons, don't get me wrong. I would love to be able to walk into Kohl's and buy some jeans in a size 8, but that's not the reason I'm doing this. God will be honored through this and my "reward" for honoring Him will be in Heaven. Simply living in Heaven for all eternity with God is a reward!

What are you striving for?

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.

Anonymous

2 more pounds GONE! Woo Hoo!

So...my wonderful weight loss mentor tasked me to eat MORE fruits and veggies last week and I did. At the end of the week it was a 2 lb loss, so I'm thinking maybe this works. Ha ha. I have tried to cut out a lot of carbs. Instead of eating chips with my sandwich or quesadilla, I'm eating veggies, either raw or cooked. I'm also trying to eat a fruit either as a snack or with my meals. It seems to be working AND I feel like I have a lot more energy when I focus on eating for veggies and fruit.

I also managed to get to the gym 3x last week and today I did my usual 2 workout classes. The hardest thing for me during my classes is managing my body temp. If I get overheated I get a migraine so I try to slow down the intensity when I'm feeling too hot. I would love to hear from anyone about whether you or someone you know has this problem. I think I will go to a neurologist to see.

Anyway, back to business today. I had 1/2 grapefruit with b-fast and i've had carrots and cucumbers with my lunch. It's REALLY hard adding all these things in but I'm determined to do it!

Yesterday I did the "BodyAttack" class at the gym but left before the weight class. I had woken up with a migraine but thought "it'll go away". Well, it did but then came back with a force when I was trying to do my ab work at the end of class. I had to do some grocery shopping so I just left. After going to Publix, I treated myself to Starbucks (Oh man...I gotta add that to my food journal) and my head was feeling alright.

I got to Amelia's school earlier than the usual "I'm late, late, LATE" so I decided to clean the car out while waiting in the car pool lane. Well, it was very warm in the sun and I don't know what happened, but I started getting dizzy. I sat down and it passed. After I got home the dizziness came back and it was all I could do to get the girls' their lunches. I hurriedly got my lunch together and after eating, the dizziness was replaced by that same migraine, but this time it felt about 10x worse. After putting the girls to bed for their naps, I took my 2nd migraine pill. I put "Sense & Sensiblity" in the DVD player and laid down. I must have napped for about 30 min. then woke up and my head was no better. I then took 4 Advil and FINALLY the migraine started to go away.

Needless to say my appetite was gone and I really didn't want anything to eat. I did manage to fix dinner for everyone but when I get one of these "life stops" migraines, I just want to go to bed.

According to my food journal, I didn't eat enough calories yesterday. I'm trying to eat more fruits and veggies and less carbs. Today I will add in a yogurt.

I guess this was a rambling post today!

Monday is back to reality!

Well, I've not exercised these last two week. Last week's excuse was the girls. Rebekah was sick then Amelia. Both had things that I couldn't expose to other kiddos so working out at the gym was out of the question. I tried to work out at home by cleaning A LOT so I guess I did burn some calories.

Then this week's excuse is John and I went to Charlotte for our anniversary. Yeah...I could have worked out in the little (and that is literal) gym at the hotel, but really? We did do a lot of walking so I didn't fret. Then yesterday was busy at home, cleaning and getting ready for Rebekah's party. Today will be cleaning again and baking a cake.

Actually, I've enjoyed the break from my usual routine of workouts. Monday will be tough and I know I will be SORE but I'm looking forward to getting back to it. John and I are signed up for the Peachtree Road Race in July so I've got to start training AGAIN :)

Oh, and I've eaten way too much chocolate the last two days. Would it be awful for me to "oops...I threw all the candy away by accident"? That chocolate in my house is miniture versions of the devil itself!

Ok...so I've found www.myplate.com to keep my food journal. So that means I won't be writing it down here anymore. Thanks to Amanda Bell for giving me that link. It's really cool!

My blog should be named "Confessions of a Food Junkie"...ha.

Ok, so yesterday was not the best day. I was cruising and doing good until after church. I know the Devil is waiting for me to be bone tired and then he pounces, knowing that I'm hungry and have nothing at home to eat that won't take 20 min. to prepare. So, I confess...I had a whopper jr. last night. First time I've caved since last November to the fast food demons. But, oh my goodness, it was yummy. I've always loved Burger King's burgers. When I was playing softball in elementary school, it was the only time our family ever really ate fast food. We would always grab it on the way home from games. Ah...good memories. So anyways, here's what I ate the rest of the day.

BF-same as yesterday except no grapefruit
lunch-FF bean quesadilla w/green beans on the side, chocolate milk
snack-cheerios w/1% milk
dinner-burger and fries (yes, FRIES) then a handful of MnM's

My day yesterday was 2 steps forward and 1 leap back!

Tuesday, March 23

BF-same plus 1/2 grapefruit
lunch-2 spinach quesadillas w/lf sour cream, cucumbers and carrots w/lite ranch, sweet tea
snack-cinnamon toast
dinner-2 veggie dogs on bread w/lite mayo, relish, ketchip, mustard; pears w/some cheese

Time of the month snack: robin eggs...they are an addiction!

Monday, March 22

BF-same
snack- 1/2 banana
lunch- 2 black beans and spinach quesadillas w/lf sour cream, chocolate milk
dinner-broiled garlic and rosemary chicken, long grain rice, greeen beans, water

A winner today! I had no sugary desserts or anything! YAY!

Saturday, March 20

BF-same as before
Lunch-bbq chicken, fries and cole slaw (fell of the wagon big time but after not eating much for 2 days, this was GOOD), sweet tea
Snack-went to a b-day party with Amelia so you can guess-some chips and dip, 1/2 cupcake
dinner-i think i had cereal but I can't remember!

Sunday, March 21

BF-same
Lunch-FF bean quesadilla, LF sour cream, chocolate milk
snack-yogurt
dinner-cereal

Friday, March 19

BF-fried egg, 1 piece toast w/pnut butter and sugar free jelly, coffee
snack-apple w/pnut butter, then a little bit later yogurt
lunch- salad w/1 fried chicken finger, ginger ale
dinner- salad w/grilled chicken

John and I went to the park after dinner and played with the girls. I love this time of year!

Thursday, March 18

BF-2 pieces buttered toast w/sugar free jelly, coffee (same everyday)
Lunch-mac n cheese (very little amount)
dinner- bbq chicken, shells n cheese, ginger ale

I had stomach issues today.

Wednesday, March 17th

BF-egg, 1 piece of whole wheat bread w/1 tbsp pnut butter and sugar free jelly, coffee w/1 tsp sugar and sugar free creamer, 1/2 grapefruit
snack- 1/2 banana
lunch- bbq chicken breast, broccoli and corn, chocolate milk
snack- pear salad and later some cinnamon toast
snack- made fried bread at GA's. I made it with whole wheat flour and had 2 pieces w/honey
dinner-cereal with 1/2 banana

Looks like I ate a lot more than I felt like I ate.

Tuesday, March 16

BF-2 pieces toast w/pnut butter and sugar free jelly
lunch-bean quesadilla w/lf sour cream and baked chips
snack-cinnamon toast w/3 small bread pieces (which I proceeded to almost burn), sweet tea
dinner-spinach/mushroom pizza, blueberry pie (yes...I know I said I would throw it out)

After getting some much needed advice from someone, I've realized that I have to add more fruits and veggies into my diet. I knew this but gosh...it's hard to do that! I also have to really decrease my breads. Tomorrow is a new day!

What I ate (3 days worth):

Saturday, March 13
BF-same
Lunch: bean dip w/baked chips, sweet tea, blueberry pie
Dinner: no idea

Sunday, March 14
BF-same, then had some fruit in SS
lunch: bean dip (not much left) w/baked chips, 1 bean quesadilla, sweet tea, blueberry pie
snack: 1/2 cupcake (low fat)
dinner: cereal

Monday, March 15
BF-same
Lunch-bean quesadilla, sweet tea, baked chips, blueberry pie
dinner-bbq baked chicken, rice w/veggies, sauteed broccoli in butter and garlic, bites of cookie dough (who can resist that? i'm convinced that cookie dough will be in heaven!)

Today I will throw out the pie. NO MORE PIE! Pie is seriously something I could make myself sick on. I'm not big on cookies (just the dough) or other sweety stuff, but I LOVE pie.

I worked out Friday and yesterday, plus have gone outside w/the girls whenever we can.

What I'm eating: Thursday and Friday, March 11 and 12

BF: same
Lunch (Th): spaghetti made w/turkey meat and whole wheat spaghetti, salad w/light ranch, garlic toast, sweet tea, mini apple pie (made healthy)
Lunch (Fri): salad w/light ranch and 1 chicken finger, chocolate milk to drink
Snack (both days): mini apple pie
Dinner (Th): cereal w/banana
Dinner (Fri): whole wheat tortilla w/cheese, taco meat, sour cream, mexican dip w/low fat stuff, black beans, rice, baked tortilla chips, 1 piece of blueberry pie and small piece of oreo pie (it was a girls night in and it was mexican theme).

Both days I drank tons of water.

What I'm eating: Wed, March 10

BF: same
Snack: nutrigrain bar on the way to the gym, 100 cal bar after gym
Lunch: hamburger patty (lean meat), rice and green beans, sweet tea
snack: 100 cal bar
dinner: cereal and banana sandwich

I think I did pretty good yesterday. Probably still eating a little too much carbs.

Voice of Truth

I've spoken before about the Casting Crown's song "Voice of Truth" and how it is one of my anthems right now during this weight loss mess. Well, God in His infinate grace and wisdom provided that song to me on the way to the gym. I think He wanted to let me know that even when it seems like my progress is like a snail (literally!), that He is the voice of truth. I will not fail w/His help. So I go on to the gym, pretty pumped up and I didn't have to stop the whole time in BodyCombat. In fact, I had more energy then I usually do. It was amazing. (I did have to stop toward the end thanks to the medicine I'm on making my stomach upset, but I made it through 90% class) Then I did Bodypump after that! Praise God!

What I'm trying to say to all of ya'll who have a hard time keeping positive, listen to God. He will show you the truth. He will help you defeat the enemy, which is BAD FOOD and NEGATIVE THOUGHTS and LAZINESS (aka Satan). When you feel like today you just don't feel like working out, or you just don't feel like eating something good for you (believe me, I have many of those days), listen to God. He will provide the energy and strength you need for whatever you want to do.

What I'm eating: Tuesday, March 9th

BF: same as yesterday. My breakfasts rarely change.
Lunch: grits w/butter and a scrambled egg. 2 pieces of toast w/margerine and honey, sweet tea
Snack: apples and pnut butter
dinner: bbq pork loins w/green beans and almonds, wild grain rice and carrots.

Ok...so lunch was too much bread. I see that now but at the time I was starving!

Ok...I need to be writing down what I eat and I've been lazy and not doing that. So, here I go...I'm going to ATTEMPT to do this. Usually on Mon, Wed, Fri mornings, I'm in a rush to get Amelia to school and myself and Rebekah to the gym so I can't sit here like I am now, with time to write it down. Anyways, hopefully I can do better.

What I ate on Monday, March 8th:
BF: Fried Egg, 2 pieces whole wheat toast w/2 tbsp pnut butter and honey, coffee w/Sun Crystals (awesome) and sugar free creamer
Lunch: Lime chips w/fat free beans, onions and cheese, 2 tbsp lf sour cream, glass of sweet tea
Dinner: 3 pieces cheese and mushroom pizza (Dominoes). I usually don't eat pizza but John got it on the way home and I'm sick, so it tasted muy yummy. I mix lf mayo and ketchup together as a dipping sauce. Ok...dinner was a wash but I behaved the rest of the day.

I didn't work out yesterday thanks to this lovely sinus infection/cough thing I have going on. Hopefully tomorrow will get back into the routine of things. I hate missing my workouts. You might think that is weird b/c a lot of you hate working out but I love it. I know I am losing weight b/c of my work outs and I need it.

I had a piece of cake last night. It was so yummy and I savored every bite. It was cake that my mom made for me for my birthday. I've had it in my fridge for a week and haven't touched it but last night I took a piece. Sorry, Mama, but I threw the rest of it away. If things like that are in my house then I will continue to justify eating it. I will say to myself "your mama made that with her own little hands so you have to eat it", when in reality, I don't have to eat it. I think my mom wants me healthy more than she wants me to eat cake every night.

This is my life. Obsessing about one piece of cake I had. Oh well...it's over and done. Today is weight class then a spinning class so I'll burn off that piece of cake and hopefully more.

4 more lbs gone!!! Woo Hoo! I weighed after Jan. 1st and then weighed last Friday and 4 more lbs are GONE! Oh, how God has blessed me by guiding me through this.

I think I just climbed another 5 feet up that mountain. God is good ALL the time!

I got on the scale today and the good news is I didn't gain any weight over the holidays. The bad news is that I didn't lose any either. Oh well. But it is good news that I didn't gain.

I worked out yesterday for about 1.5 hrs. BodyCombat then BodyPump. I got there late to the first class and had to leave early for the second one. It felt good to be working out. I missed it while I was at mom's during my whole "heater is out at the house" problem. Today I went to the gym on my usual day "off" b/c I missed going monday and tuesday. I did some weights on my quads, inner and outer thighs and hamstrings. Then I did some ab work. Finally I got on the treadmill and RAN FOR 20 MINUTES! WooHoo. I struggled the last 2 minutes but finished. I speed walked the other 20 minutes. Gosh...I know I'll be sore.

On the way home yesterday from the gym, I heard Casting Crown's "Voice of Truth" and it struck a cord with me. My weight loss journey feels like an impossible task to fulfill. Everyday I feel like I'm going to fail. Everyday I feel like Satan is trying to pull me down at every opportunity. Ah, but the voice of truth tells me a different story. He tells me I will succeed! This song is now my anthem :)

Please go online and search Casting Crowns lyrics and read the Voice of Truth lyrics. Awesome!