I don't know how to start this so here it goes. I would like to share something that I've needed to say for awhile. It's my journey w/Christ to this point. I know that some of you out there are not the believer that I am, but I hope that in reading this, it will open your eyes to some truth in your life.

I have always been in church. My parents brought me and I always did the things kids do in church: choir, VBS, Sunday School. When I was 8, I prayed to receive Christ as my savior. I look back now and I understood that Christ died on the cross for me. I also understood that if I didn't have Jesus in my heart then I would go to hell. After professing my faith to those around me I was baptised.

I continued to believe in Christ. I continued to be in church. As I got older, however, I stopped having a relationship with God. I think this was shortly after moving to GA at 13. I was so mad at my parents and God for taking me away from all my friends in FL and forcing me to live in a new place. I don't think I meant for my relationship to stop with God but it did. Of course, I played the part of "Christian". I went to church and all, but it never got deeper than that. Then as I was in high school, I would see kids at school that went to my church, yet they were the party crowd. They talked about drinking, drugs and sex then went to church on Sunday and acted "Christian". It was confusing for me. I had no idea what it meant to be living for Christ. I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere. No one reached out to me, but then again, I don't know if my heart was reaching out to them.

I was lost. I could still feel God in my life but I didn't know that I could turn to Him. I didn't know that He wanted me to turn to Him. I made a lot of bad decisions, that led me down roads that I didn't want to go. Oh, but I still went to church. I was still a "Christian". I know now that I was a hypocrite. I was a liar. I led people down wrong paths. I caused them to turn from Christ by my actions. I am so sorry for this.

Then, by God's awesome hand, I started seeing the light. God put some people in my path to steer me in the right direction. I started getting invited to church get-togethers w/people my own age (college). I started reading the Bible more. I started listening to these Godly people talk about their lives and their brokenness and how God had pulled them from the pit. I realized that I could continue down this path of loneliness and emptiness or I could follow a path that had meaning and truth. It broke me. I mean, I was on my bed and suddenly I was on the floor in tears. God showed me that to live for Him meant I had to DIE to myself. I had to give up ALL control of my life to Him. That's a hard pill to swallow. Giving up control of your life to someone else is NOT easy. It's still something I struggle with everyday.

Of course my walk w/Christ was not done. I was on an emotional "high" for awhile. Then, as it happens in life, I got comfortable. I thought I had this Christ thing down. I got married and I thought I didn't have to work so hard at it. Then the devil started chipping at my self-confidence in my marriage. I was lost and thinking things I shouldn't have. I know now that I once again caused a lot of people to stumble. I thought that I could live a life in the world and live a life in Christ. I did this for awhile, even after my daughter was born. It has only been in the last 2 years that Christ has transformed me. And I mean transformed me. I can no longer live in 2 worlds.

So here is what I want to say now. I know I have been the worst example of Christian in the past. I am so sorry for those of you out there that have seen me stumble and do things that do not show Christ's love. I want you to know that I no longer live in the world. My life is for Christ now. I wake up every morning and walk for Him. I want to be a Jesus Freak. I want to live, breath, love the Bible. I want YOU to see Him in me. And if you are lost, I want you to find me and talk to me about it. Being a Christian is hard work. It's not easy. But the reward is not on earth. It's something much bigger than that.

Let me ask ya one question: If you died today, do you know where you would be?