I have really not wanted to blog this week. I don't know why, other than I've been lazy. I've felt that way about working out as well. My heart has not been in it either. I suppose we all have those kind of weeks. I'm praying God will give me a passion for weight loss and exercising. I think going to the gym by myself is weighing on me. I wish I had someone else to go with, but I know that I have to do this myself!!!

So, in an effort to REMIND myself WHY I am doing this, I'm going to write down some of the things I hate about being overweight.

1. I have the fat swing on my arms. UGH. This is awful, especially when I'm waving to someone or giving directions. No wonder my body age is 40.
2. I can't cross my legs for any length of time.
3. I can't stretch like I used to. There is too much fat that prevents me from being as flexible as I used to.
4. I hate almost everything I wear. I know you shouldn't look at the number in your jeans, but how can I not?! I do dress for fit and not size (per Stacy and Clinton from WNTW), but it is still frustrating to be exercising and cutting stuff out of your diet and still have to wear the same size clothes.
5. I get out of breath easily.
6. My double chin.
7. The idea (when strangers see me) that my being overweight is somehow b/c I'm lazy and eat fast food all the time. Both of which I don't do.
8. I don't wear shorts b/c they ride up when I walk. I'm a bermuda short or capri girl.
9. The battle to get to where I need to be seems to be a momentus task. I feel as though I'm standing below a mountain looking up and wondering just how I will get over it.
10. I feel thinner than I look and I'm reminded of this everytime I pass a mirror.

I know God can make me conquer that mountain. I know HE can move the mountain. I just have to convince my heart to believe it as well. God has been so faithful to me this week. I have stopped and asked Him for another option when I'm craving bad food. Almost everytime He has either taken it away or showed me something else to eat. I did have a backsliding day. I made chocolate chip cookies for John, so I licked the bowl AND had 2 cookies right out of the oven. I knew it was bad for me but who can resist warm cookies?! I haven't had a cookie since. They are sitting on my counter in a container but God has given me the strength to resist.

I saw this show on WE. It was called "I want to save your life". It's about a guy who helps people get the motivation and assistance in tackling weight loss and diet. One thing he said has stuck with me. He said that you need a picture of what you want when you have lost weight. It needs to be a picture you see everyday. He said the reason most people don't lose weight or stick to a diet/exercise plan is because they don't have a picture of the end result. That frustrates them and makes it impossible to acheive this goal. And I thought, what do I want? Yeah, I want to lose weight, but what does this look like? I haven't been successful in this in so long, I don't even know what I would look like anymore. And it seems so far away that I feel defeated already. I want to lose my fat, yes, but I want to be toned too. I want to lose the jiggles! I want John to see me and think, Wow...I have a hot wife. I want God to be glorified through all this and I want to proclaim it when I tell others how I lost the weight. That's what I want. Now I have to find a picture to portray that!

Sorry for the long post today. I guess I had a lot to say!

Mother's Day weekend

I should start on Thursday night. I went out w/my Sunday School girlfriends to celebrate the birth of baby Sydney to Suzanne. It was so nice. I ate a turkey burger but then caved in and ate sweet potato fries, which were super yummy, but full of fat (fried). I realized later that I should have shared the fries w/someone else!

On Friday, I had to drag myself (and I mean drag myself) to the gym. I did a half hour of weights before subjecting myself to a kickboxing class. Everytime I kicked or punched, I pictured those sweet potato fries! The class was during lunchtime so I didn't eat lunch until about 2:30. I was starving.

Saturday was pretty normal. My mom and sister came into town and we went to Chili's for lunch. I ate 2 chicken tacos, which didn't have a lot of "bad" stuff on them. Mom and Jess got the chicken fingers there, but after being in Weight Watchers I learned that those things are BIG TIME NO NO's. I had one of Mom's (after peeling off the fried stuff) and they weren't really all that good. My chicken taco was yummy.

We had lasagna that night (homemade w/lean ground beef and whole wheat noodles). I had one serving of it and a lot of salad. I think I had only one piece of bread. I had my homemade whole wheat banana bread for dessert :)

On sunday, we went to John's mom. We had chicken rice cassarole and various side items. I had one small serving of everything and almost no dessert. I did have 2 servings of strawberry salad but I think that was fairly low in fat. I went to see Star Trek on my own and had root beer and popcorn. I RARELY do this but it was Mother's Day. I drank all the root beer and I ate about 2 cups of popcorn (barely 1/2 of what I bought). That night I had a bowl of broccoli salad and another serving of strawberry salad.

Now I must get ready for the gym!

What a crazy day I had yesterday. I worked out at the gym, then took the girls to the doctor, then came home. Later on the animal control man killed a copperhead on my front porch! AAAAAAA...Oh My Gosh! Then we went to church, then home, then bedtime. Just one thing after another yesterday. I ate usual food and I missed lunch due to taking the girls to the doctor, so I didn't eat until 3:30 pm. I was starving by then but I managed to eat ok and didn't have a dessert, which was really GOOD for me. I had my veggie dog meal last night and again, didn't have a dessert. My gym time was spent doing back and chest, some glute work and abs, which I'm feeling today!

God was truly w/me yesterday. I felt His presence in guiding my choices and attitudes. We went to McDonalds before the doctor, but I didn't get a thing. God has turned me off of fast food and while I love certain things at every place, I don't feel this urgency to get anything. Thank God!

What I'm eating:

B-fast is the usual. I had no snacks but should have before we went to playgroup. For lunch I had a pnut butter and banana sandwich w/some chips and salsa. I had lemonade to drink.

For dinner, I had mexican. Enough said! I wasn't stuffed to the gills, just pleasantly full. I'm trying to concentrate on eating slower and recognizing my bodies signals of getting full.

I had a girl's night out last night at my friend Kelly's aunt's house. She has set up an outdoor theater of sorts and we watched Don Juan DeMarco, which was good. It was so nice to get away and have adult conversation and not have to devour my food fast. It was very relaxing.

What I ate yesterday:

B-fast-fried egg w/2 pieces whole wheat bread w/jelly, my usual coffee

snack: 1/2 protein meal bar, popcorn

lunch: baked chips w/taco meat, onions and some cheese, lf sour cream, sweet tea

I was craving something sweet and had almost given up when I remember I had vanilla ice cream and caramel topping. It was a small serving and so good. I usually don't eat ice cream b/c I'm sort of lactose intolerate, but oh well. I wanted something sweet and satisfying. I need to buy some fudge bars b/c they help curb that sweet craving. I was going to have a small chocolate something, but I've been getting a lot of headaches from chocolate lately. I look back at this craving episode and think "Why didn't I lean on the Lord for satisfying this craving?". Well, it's b/c my craving (satan tempting me) won out over my own will. ARGH. This is so frustrating. I had such a great quiet time and then I go and forget that the Lord will provide. He would have provided for me to resist this temptation and I just didn't see that!

Dinner: 2 veggie dogs (fat free, nitrate free and loads of protein) on whole wheat bread w/lf mayo, mustard, ketchup and relish. I had some lime chips on the side. Sweet tea to drink.

I drank my water for the day (probably 25 oz). I know I need to drink more water but I have to work up the the 64 oz recommended.

As for what I did: I went to the gym and did biceps, triceps, quads and glutes. Then I did abs and walked for 35 min on the treadmill. I walked at 4 mph at an incline for about 20 min of that time. I also cleaned some of the house, did laundry, fixed dinners and lunches.

I will need prayer tonight as I spend a great evening w/some girlfriends to celebrate Cinco de Mayo. I'm sure there will be some great food and I will need to resist the urge to stuff myself silly.

Jehovah Jirah - God will provide

This morning's bible study was about one of the names the jewish people gave God, Jehovah Jirah, which means God will provide. I read about how God told Abraham to take Issac and offer him as a sacrifice. And Abraham did it w/no arguement! Now, the Bible doesn't illustrate Abraham's feelings and thoughts through this, but his obedience was shown. Can you imagine God asking you to kill your own child?! As Abraham goes to do this, the Angel shows up and tells him to stop and God provides Abraham w/a ram for the sacrifice. I've often thought of this story and I've often wondered what impact this had on Issac. He was old enough to understand what was going on. Issac must have seen how Abraham loved God more than him and how obedience is so important to God. What an impact this must have had on him. Of course, the parallel to this is how God sacrificed his own son for US. God loved us so much that He went through with the sacrifice.

Yet I doubt on my future and having my needs met. Yet I doubt that I will lose weight. Yet I doubt that I can do what I need to do for my marriage and children. Why should I doubt? God will provide for it all. Jehovah Jirah! So as I was talking to God, I asked Him for his guidence in this weight loss effort. I asked Him for help in defeating my demons! Jehovah Jirah!

What I shouldn't have eaten!

Ok...I was good except for when I made Amelia mac n cheese...then I had a spoonful, then another, then another! I love that stuff and I know it is super bad for you but gosh, it's a comfort food for me. Now, I haven't had any since then, but gosh...I want to, especially since it's all rainy and stuff. I will resist!

Yesterday I had the usual food except that I didn't get to lunch. I had to settle for a protein snack bar b/c I was running errands all over the place (with NO children...ahhhh). I had a bowl of Fruit Loops when I got home (I know...not good either) and then I made turkey burgers w/garlic and onions, fresh broccoli sprinkled w/cheese, and long grain rice. It was quite yummy and I didn't have a dessert! Yay me!

I walked all over the place yesterday so I feel like I got some exercise. I was worn out when I got home so I had to have done SOMETHING. I'm just thankful I didn't have the girls w/me. I was able to enjoy shopping for a change.

Internet has been down so no blogging...

Well, our internet has been down for the back few days, so I haven't been able to blog. I missed it too!

My eating habits haven't changed all that much. I have the same thing for breakfast, except for today I had whole wheat banana bread (I made) then a protein bar. I've either had my fat free bean nachos or quesadilla. I'm trying to limit the tea.

I worked out Wednesday and today. I really DID NOT feel like doing it today. It is an effort to get us all ready then drive 40 min. south to G'ville, but now that it's done, I'm glad I did it. I'm still tired but at least I know I did something today. I'm also glad that I made it 3x this week! Woo hoo.

Well, later taters!